Chasing the Shadows of our Past
by heartshade
Summary: After Clary sees Jace with another woman, she leaves the institute and starts a new life in New York. Little does she know she was pregnant. Many years later, little money catches up on Clary meaning she has to return 'home'. But what will become of Clace when they realise they need to put their child first. Has Clary really moved on?/discontinued
1. Chapter 1

**Guess who's back?**

 **Yep, that's right. I am :) With a new Clace story!**

 **I honestly didn't think I'd be writing for this pair again for a while but after Lady Midnight and Lord of Shadows I've come back to loving them. So, I sat down and thought up a new story :)**

 **I think if you liked Princess to be you will like this story. It's basically about Clace but something happened which broke them up. But there's a surprise which makes them have to talk to one another again...**

 **And Clace wouldn't be Clace without some heartbreak...**

 **So, Chasing the shadows of our Past is set after City of heavenly fire however, some events are different.**

 **E.g.) Lets just say Sebastian might not have existed in that sense.**

 **Also, don't get too bogged down by the books. I tried my best to make it not too confusing. It's not completely all human as in further chapters the institute is a place. However, shadowhunting is a more minor factor. I hope that's ok :)**

 **Anyway, enough of me yapping on... start reading :)**

 **Be sure to tell me what you think :)**

 **()**

"Do you think he's coming down for breakfast today?"

"I'm really not sure".

"You're his _parabati,_ you ought to know these things Alec" Izzy sighed. She knew deep down that she wasn't angry at Alec. She was angry at her other brother. Jace. He had been up in his room on and off since it happened.

"We both know there is absolutely no point in calling him" Alec replied glumly. Izzy boiled the kettle and violently threw in a teabag.

"But its been so long" Izzy said whilst taking a long sip of tea. Alec saw the worry in his sister's eyes. It had been long. Too long. Nobody knew what to do with him.

"You could go and talk to him?" Izzy suggested. Alec stared at her as if she was insane.

"No, no and no. Do you _not_ recall what happened last time?"

"Oh come on Alec. I'm sure Jace didn't mean to get so upset"

"He knew exactly what he was doing. And he never apologised" Alec retorted. Visions of a glass bowl being hurtled at him flashed through Alec's mind. Yes, Jace had aimed purposely far away from his head but Alec would rather have his head intact.

"Jace never apologises" Izzy remarked. Alec threw up his hands in an exasperated way. Izzy was about to say something but Alec cut in.

"Before you make a remark at how gay that action was, don't. I am not in the mood. I'm not speaking to Jace until he starts behaving like a decent human being" Alec spoke quickly like he used to when he was little and in trouble. The thought almost put a smile to her lips but situation with Jace made Izzy frown again.

"I just can't believe after all they went through that she left" Izzy said quietly. Alec gently placed her arm on his sister's shoulder.

"Well, she better not come back for her sake. She's destroyed him" Alec soothed but his voice was laced with burning anger.  
"How long has it been?" Izzy asked. Alec rubbed his eyes and looked at the floor with a look of pure dismay.

"Six years".

 **()**

"It's alright, it's alright. Mummy is here" the red-head whispered trying with no luck to calm the screaming child.

"Please don't cry" Clary begs as she scoops up her child. The sobs continued until eventually they become loud hiccups.

"Evelyn, what happened in you dream. Tell mummy so she can make it better" Clary continued whilst rubbing calming circles on the small girls back. Her bright gold eyes which were cloudy with tears were looking up at her like a distressed owl.

"There was this scary man who took me away from you" Evelyn whimpered. Clary gently pushed a ginger curl off her daughters face which had escaped her ponytail.

"Eve I promise you, I won't ever leave you" Clary said solemnly. Eve rubbed her eyes with her small hands.

"Ok" Eve says. Clary smiles and kissed the top of her head.

"I'll make you banana pancakes if you want?"

"YES" Eve practically jumped off the bed. Clary shakes her head but her eyes are full with love. She goes to the kitchen and makes the pancakes with quick efficiency. Mind you, Clary could make them in her sleep she had so much practice. She places the steaming pile of pancakes on a plate before her daughter just as there was an abrupt knock at the door.

"Coming" Clary called. She opened the door to see a small man with a large pair of black glasses peering at her. Clary clears her throat.

"Hello there. I am Mr Jones. The landlord" the man said. He looked a very reasonable man whose eyes twinkled in the early morning light.

"Oh, hi. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Well there is actually Ms Herondale- "

"Fairchild" Clary cuts in quickly. The man looks at her, his eyes puzzled.

"It says here it is Clary Herondale"

"I wrote that quickly. It's definitely not Herondale. I wasn't married but I took the name. That's all" Clary explained. The small man nodded slowly.

"Right. Anyway. The months rent is very overdue and my legal authority is sadly to ask you to leave the property" Mr Jones explained. Clary felt like she had been kicked in the gut.

"But it's only been a couple of weeks overdue" Clary stammered. Mr Jones shook his head in a sad manner.

"It's been almost three months Ms Fairchild".

"I have a child Mr Jones. I'm sorry but I can't leave the property" Clary tried to sound stern. She desperately wanted to sound like the sort of woman you didn't want to mess with. Clary did her best to look untouchable and well off but she knew exactly what she looked like. She looked exactly like who she was. A single mother who had dark bags under her dull green eyes from exhaustion of doing two jobs. Her hair was messy and her clothes were scruffy. And in the background a little girl was eating pancakes on a tiny chair because Clary simply didn't have the money to buy a new set.

"I'm sorry but you have to. I can't keep someone in my property who fails to pay the rent" Mr Jones replied firmly. Clary was getting increasingly worried that she might start crying.

"I have nowhere to go" she whispered. Mr Jone's eyes grew round with pity. This angered Clary, she didn't need his or anybody else's charity.

"I'm sure I can sort something nice for you but your child might need to go into care" the man tried to comfort her. Clary felt like slapping him. _Care?_ she thought angrily. _Like I would ever part with Evelyn._

"No thank you. We will be out of this place as soon as don't you worry" Clary said, her tone nasty. Mr Jones was about to reply but Clary grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut with such force that the tiny apartment shook. She then sunk to her knees against the doorframe and began to cry.

 **()**

"Why are we leaving" Evelyn asked her mother for the third time. Clary turned to look at her and plastered a smile on her face.

"Because we are going to have an adventure" Clary tried to make her voice sound light. She then began to pack the small amount of belongings she owned.

"An adventure" Evelyn echoed. Her voice sounded so small in the bare room. Clary didn't think she would ever get over how adorable she was. Eve was the kind of girl that you simply couldn't help fall in love with no matter how hard you tried. This of course meant saying 'no' to her was also practically impossible.

"That's right, go pack your toys" Clary instructed. Evelyn skipped off to her small room to pack her art supplies and books. Clary began packing her things such as her paintings, clothes and finally she walked over to her jewellery box. She opened it slowly and she could have sworn dust came out. With slightly shaking hands Clary reached inside the gold box and drew out a silver necklace. Memories flashed through her of a happy time. A time before everything went wrong.

 _"I love you"._

 _"I love you more"._

The painful memories surged through her like an electrical storm. Clary gripped the necklace tightly in her right hand and placed the jewellery box into her suitcase.

"Eve lets go" Clary called as she walked to the front door. Her daughter ran out of her room with her suitcase trailing behind her.

"Right, let's start our adventure" Clary told her child. Evelyn grinned up her with the same expression that remind Clary of someone she knew. Someone she once loved. She shook her head as if trying to get the thoughts out of her head. Clary proceeded to opening the door and letting Eve out first. Then, she placed the silver necklace on the countertop and shut the door behind her.

It was time for her to move on.

Once and for all.

 **()**

 **So, I really hoped you liked it! I have been planning this story for a while and I have some ideas to write about.**

 **I'm still going to write even if no one reviews. :( I just hope that some people will enjoy my writing and maybe take a moment of your day to tell me what you thought.**

 **I'll get to work writing the next chapter shortly. And don't worry, Clace will become a huge part of this story. This chapter was more about setting the scene :)**

 **Maybe drop a review?**

 **Have a nice day!**

 **Heartshade**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all the positive feedback I got!**

 **I updated super fast :) Reviews make my day ;)**

 **Hope you like this chapter!**

 **()**

"Can we get chocolate mummy?".

"Eve it's too late", Clary replied. She looked down at the map in her hands again and groaned in frustration.

"What's wrong mummy?" her daughter chirped. Clary had been trying for the last few hours to keep a positive spin on the situation but it was getting increasingly hard to smile. Her jaw ached and her eyes burned from exhaustion and the constant reminder that she was failing her daughter wasn't making her feel great either. _When did I get like this?_ Clary thought miserably. She knew exactly who and what had made her like this but she bit her lip to get the thoughts out of her head. _I need to concentrate on finding somewhere to stay, Evelyn must be tired._ Clary looked down at the small girl who was clutching onto her light blue blouse. Evelyn was so small that Clary was often scared she would break at the slightest touch.

"But Mummy-".

"No Evelyn" Clary snapped. Her daughters face went into a stiff pout which reminded her of herself so much it was uncanny. Eve then detached herself from her mother in a silent protest.

"Right, lets go down here" Clary said partly to Eve but mostly to herself. Evelyn grumbled something about being hungry but quickly followed her mother. The street they were walking on was dirty and smelt of beer. Used cigarettes lined the streets like stars in an inky sky and there were pieces of glass on the cobblestones. Clary took in a shaky breath. This was no place for a young child.

"It's alright Eve, don't be scared" Clary said taking her daughters sudden silence as fright. Her daughter set her chin and defiantly huffed.

"I'm not at all scared" she replied. Clary smiled at her.

"Well, that's good". The wind rustled and in the distance a cat screeched. Clary took her daughters hand and walked a little quicker down the alleyway.

"Where are we?" Eve questioned. _I have absolutely no clue,_ Clary thought. But she didn't want to burden her daughter with her worries or the fact that it was getting late and they were very lost.

"Nearly there" Clary replied. They were coming to the edge of the street and the moonlight lit their path. Clary heard footsteps behind her and slowly spun around as not to alarm Evelyn. What she saw made her heart race and her stomach flip.

"Come on Eve, faster now" Clary whispered. Evelyn stomped a little quicker after her.

"I'm tired". Clary felt slightly sick. Instead of replying to her daughter she grabbed her hand and pulled her along.

"Ouch, mummy your hurting me", Evelyn whined. Clary didn't answer. She just began to run with Evelyn firmly clutching her like a small dog. _Nearly there,_ Clary thought. She could her Evelyn panting but Clary pressed on. _We have to get out of here._ The path was coming to a close up ahead and droplets of rain began cascading down her face like tears. Clary felt a shiver running up her spine like the spider from the nursery rhythm.

 _Down came the rain._

 _And washed the spider out._

The footsteps were becoming increasingly louder. Clary began to panic. She scanned the area for anywhere to hide. Nothing. They were trapped.

"It's raining" Evelyn said in a small voice, pointing out the obvious. Clary shut her eyes and clenched her fists. _Think,_ Clary told herself. With trembling hands she dug into her bag and began dialling a number. Her phone started ringing but went straight to answer phone. Before Clary could try again a voice behind her broke her chain of thoughts.

"Clary?"

 **()**

"Come on Alec, those demons won't kill themselves" Izzy complained. Alec rolled his eyes but made no comment. They reached the front door of the institute but both stopped.

"Should we ask him to come?" Alec asked. Izzy fiddled with the end of her top and sighed.

"What's the point, we will just get a damn rude answer". Izzy put her hand gently on her brother's shoulder.

"I know he's your _parabati_ Alec, I get that I-".

"You don't Izzy" Alec cut her off. His tone made her heart clench with sadness. She loved Jace but she hated the way he was making Alec feel. Even Magnus was having a hard time cheering him up.

"Shall I invite Simon?" Alec asked. Izzy smiled at him but shook her head making a lock of dark hair fall over her chestnut eyes. Alec rose an eyebrow.

"Trouble in paradise?".

"Of course not. There's definitely no problem. But I know Simon is having dinner with his sister tonight and I don't want to make him come with us" Izzy explained.

"You know I thought Simon would take Clary's leaving worst" Alec said abruptly. Izzy looked down at the floor.

"I guess he's just had to get over it. I just wish Jace could do the same". Alec gave a small sigh.

"Well, after this mission we should talk to Jace" Alec said whilst opening the door.

"Agreed". The two siblings walked out into the darkness. The moon was bright like a shiny penny and there were more stars than usual.

"That is if we come back from the fight" Alec said quietly as an afterthought. Izzy turned to look at him, her grin similar to a cat.

"Oh please. It's two tiny demons, what could possibly go wrong on this trip?".

 **()**

Jace watched from the window of his bedroom gazing wistfully after his siblings. He badly wanted to go but he didn't want to bring Alec and Izzy down. Instead, he sat down on the edge of his bed and began to re-read a book for what felt like the hundredth time.

 **()**

 _Crunch._ The demons head rolled onto the floor next to Izzy's feet and then vanished. She wiped the sticky ichor onto her trouser leg and smiled at her brother.

"That was the last one" she said. Alec gave her a thumbs up. She was about to suggest dinner when a flash of red up ahead caught her eye. _Could it be?_ she thought wistfully. Something inside of her was telling her to run. Izzy took off at a fast pace leaving her brother standing by the side of the road.

"Izzy?" she heard her brother call. It wasn't long before he was sprinting beside her. Izzy gave him a look, one that said more than she could say. _Trust me._ Alec nodded and followed her down the bumpy path. Red hair. Izzy ran faster. She had to get to Clary. She needed to understand. They turned the street and stopped as the red-head spun around.

"Clary?".

Izzy heard Alec draw in a deep breath. He lunged forward.

"YOU" he spat. Clary took a step back and only then did Izzy realise a little girl with bright gold eyes was watching her from behind her mother.

"Get away from us" Clary said, her voice threatening. Izzy put a hand on her brother's chest to stop him doing something he would no doubt regret.

"YOU have a lot of explaining to do" Alec raged whilst staring at Evelyn like she was an alien. Clary narrowed her grass green eyes at him.

"I don't have to say anything to you" she replied icily. Izzy took a small step forward. She was about to say something but Clary stopped her.

"Please, Evelyn and I need some place to stay" Clary pleaded. It was only then did Izzy see how tired and lost Clary looked. The little girl next to her looked like she might start crying. Izzy couldn't blame her. She felt the same.

"Alright, one night" Izzy said. Alec turned to her with a look of shock mixed with betrayal.

"STAY?" he seethed. Izzy nodded.

"Listen, I will explain everything, I promise" Clary said.

"One night" he said looking at the floor like he couldn't stand talking to her any longer. He then turned and started walking home leaving the two women and the tiny child to trail silently after him.

 **()**

 **Hope you liked it :)**

 **I wonder what Clary's story is?**

 **Thanks again to everyone who followed/favourited! You guys are the best!**

 **Review please! They make my day and make me write much faster :)**

 **Until next time,**

 **Heartshade**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank-you so much to all the fantastic reviews :)**

 **I never usually updated fanfics this fast but the amount of praise really makes me want to write ;)**

 **Hope you enjoy! I tried to make it longer than usual….**

 **()**

"So, how old is she?". Clary turned to look at Izzy, her face utterly confused.

"How old who is?".

"Don't play dumb with me, how old is that little girl? And is she _your_ daughter" Izzy said, empathising _your_ like Evelyn was some sort of crime. Clary made an inelegant noise.

"Yes Evelyn is my daughter. She's turning six soon" Clary spoke quietly. She didn't want Eve to overhear the conversation as her daughter had a habit of joining in.

"And is she _his_?". Izzy's question sent ripples of hate and an emotion she couldn't identify through her body.

"Yes" she replied quietly. Clary looked down at the tiny girl who was practically asleep next to her. No matter how much Clary hated the experience, she still had Evelyn. That had to count for something.

"Did you know you were pregnant?" Izzy asked curiously. Clary opened her mouth to speak but Alec sharply turned around. His look was cold and menacing. It reminded Clary of the way he was with her when they first met. However, she could safely say that this Alec was worst.

"Right, one night. You must remember the institute well enough to find your own room. But first my sister and I want a word with you" Alec said. Clary felt like she was a goat in a lions den. _Why do they blame me for leaving?_ Clary wondered sadly. Then it clicked. _That bastard hasn't told them._

"Great, can't wait for that delighting chat" Clary muttered. Alec's ears practically grew as he lunged towards her.

"If I had it my way you and your child wouldn't be here at all so behave" he snarled. Clary was speechless. _He really does hate me._

"That's enough Alec, Evelyn looks very tired" Izzy said quietly. Clary wanted to hug her. _Trust Izzy to have my back_ , Clary thought. The look Alec shot Izzy was a mixture of sadness but mostly betrayal. As much as she hated the way Alec was treating her, Clary didn't want to come between the two siblings.

"Thank you again. I'll put Eve to bed and meet you downstairs". Clary peered at the familiar looking building. The institute. This place had so many happy memories but all Clary felt now was a cold emptiness, like when you have lost something precious or very important.  
"Where are we?" Evelyn stirred sleepily. Clary gently stroked her ginger curls, letting them fall between her fingertips like silk.

"A place to stay. Don't worry Eve, you'll like it here" Clary replied. Evelyn slowly nodded her head, silently telling her mother that she trusted her. Clary mounted the steps but quickly looked up at a particular bedroom. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn shut. _What do you care?_ Clary asked herself. But a small part of her was telling her that she did in fact care. _Well, you are bringing his daughter into the institute,_ Clary thought worriedly. But she straightened her back and rose her chin. She nor Evelyn had anything to be ashamed about. _He w_ as the the one who broke _her._ Not the other way around. With that, Clary picked Evelyn up and walked into the institute.

 **()  
** _"_ _Clary!"_

 _"_ _No! I'm not turning around again. Not after last time". Clary heard his grumble of protest from behind her._

 _"_ _I swear I won't throw any more snowballs. Please?". Clary stayed where she was, a smile tugging at her lips._

 _"_ _Promise?"_

 _"_ _I swear". Clary slowly turned so that she was facing him. His face was slightly red but the grin on his lips was infectious. He stepped towards her._

 _"_ _Do you think your mother would mind you stopping over tonight? It's Christmas after all" he asked. Even though his voice was sweet she knew exactly what intentions he had in mind. It only made her smile more._

 _"_ _She said it would be fine. But in separate rooms" Clary answered sadly. He took another step nearer. She could see every line of his face now. Clary badly wanted her art set so that she could draw him but she knew deep down it was impossible. Clary could never quite draw him properly._

 _"_ _Oh well" he replied, his tone disheartened. Clary tilted her head to the side like a sparrow._

 _"_ _Unless..." Clary said softly. She moved closer to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He was so tall that it was a struggle but Clary managed._

 _"_ _What devilish ideas have you got in mind Fray?" he said whilst lifting one golden eyebrow. Clary smiled up at him._

 _"_ _I might get scared in the night. I'll have to come to you room"._

 _"_ _Because you need protecting?"_

 _"_ _NO!" Clary said loudly. She set her jaw and narrowed her eyes at him._

 _"_ _I don't need protecting". He shook his head and chucked softly._

 _"_ _Everyone does. I do too Clary". His hands were around his waist and his lips were practically touching hers. It hurt not touching him or being away from him for too long._

 _"_ _Oh yeah? From what?" she whispered. But he never answered her because by that point he was kissing her ferociously. Clary kissed him back with equal force until he broke off. They were both slightly panting, Clary felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen but mostly due to being around him._

 _"_ _I love you" he said as he kissed her on the forehead._

 _"_ _I love you too"._

 **()**

"Is she asleep?" Izzy asked her as Clary came into the room. Clary nodded as her reply.

"Good, start talking" Alec instructed. Izzy whispered something into Alec's ear.

"No, don't get him" he answered. Clary knew exactly who they were talking about and she was relieved to find that he wasn't coming down.

"Clary, tell us exactly what happened" Izzy said whilst she perched on the green sofa. Clary gulped but quickly composed herself. They deserved to know the truth.

"It was that night we went out for those celebration drinks. I think we had just killed a difficult demon or something. I was coming back from the toilet when I saw him an-" Clary was cut off.

"Saw who?" Izzy asked. Clary didn't want to say his name. It was like poison in her mouth. But she knew she had to.

"Jace". His name made her mouth go dry. It had been so long since she even thought of the name let alone said it out loud. When ether Eve had gotten curious as to why she didn't have a Daddy Clary had just told her some story about him fighting in the War. Clary took a deep breath and continued her story.

"He was unbuttoning a girl with blonde hair's dress and moaning. Loudly. They were pushed up against the wall". Silence. The look of shock on Alec's face was gratifying. A couple of seconds later his mouth was a hard line again.

"That doesn't mean you can just LEAVE. Do you have any idea how much he's changed since you have left" Alec shouted. Clary wanted to hit him.

"Jace DESTROYED me Alec. I had to go. I never wanted to see him again. Don't you understand what seeing that did to me? I don't expect you to hate Jace. I just want you to understand why I left" Clary spoke as calmly as she could. Izzy gave Clary a small smile.

"I'm so sorry Clary. But what about your parents? Did you just loose contact with them as well?". Clary raked a hand through her curls.

"I kept in touch with them, especially when I needed help with Evelyn. Simon too". Clary heard Izzy's audible intake of breath.

" _Simon?"_ she stuttered. Clary gave a small nod. Alec started pacing.

"But you could have let him know he had a daughter" Alec said. Clary crossed her arms over her chest.

"That man doesn't deserve anything. He broke ME Alec. Not the other way around. He didn't even look for me" Clary seethed. Alec looked like he might actually explode.

"HE'S BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS YOU STUPID GIRL" he shouted. Clary flinched despite everything. Izzy grabbed Alec by his shoulder.

"Alec come on, it's not Clary's fault. Jace cheated on her" Izzy reminded her. Alec broke away from his sister and strode over to the other side of the room. Clary guessed he was trying to get away from her.

"Clary as an apology from us you can stay here until you find somewhere else. Unless you would rather stay with your mum and Luke?".  
"They're house is too small for Eve and I. I'll stay here one night don't worry" Clary said gratefully. Izzy shook her head.

"No, you will stay here. You are tired and probably hungry. Evelyn needs some stability Clary" Izzy told her. Clary considered her few options.

"Thank you" she replied, her gaze on Izzy. In the corner of her eye she could see Alec shaking his head at her. Clary didn't care. She was about to say something when the sound of someone coming downstairs made her jump.

"Don't tell him I was here. Please Izzy" Clary panicked. Izzy looked over at her brother.

"Just go" Alec said. Clary bolted to the door moments before Jace came downstairs.

 **()  
** "Who was that?" Jace asked. Izzy simply smiled at him.

"No one" she chirped happily. Too happily. Jace looked at Alec instead.

"Who was that?" he repeated. Alec looked down at the floor. Jace knew that Alec was a bad liar.

"A friend" Alec replied meekly. _Liar,_ Jace thought to himself.

"Tell me Alec" Jace demanded. He stepped towards his _parabati._

"Alec please". Alec looked down at the brown wooden floor. Something clicked inside Izzy.

"Stop interrogating him Jace. It was just a friend" Izzy spoke harshly. Something flickered behind her eyes. Jace thought of a name. Could it be?

"Clary" Jace whispered. Izzy just stared at him.

"W-What?" she slightly stammered. Jace started towards the door.

"I'm going after Clary" he told them. Jace threw open the door and ran out into the darkness before Alec or Izzy could stop him.

 **()**

 **Hope it was ok! I tried to make it longer :)**

 **Writing the flashback of Clace made me feel super sad :(**

 **Please review! They make me so happy and make me write faster. But I won't be updating this fast usually as I'm quite busy. But they will be fairly fast so don't worry :)**

 **Until the next update,**

 **Heartshade**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all the positive feedback! I really loved writing this chapter :)**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **()**

Clary darted out into the city, her pulse racing. _Don't look back,_ she kept telling herself. So she didn't. Clary ran down the familiar alleyways and skilfully jumped over a low wooden fence. Finally, she came to the street she was looking for. Clary raced up the steps and knocked quickly and loudly at the door. The lights were still on inside the house so Clary knew she had a chance that he would be in. After what felt like forever, somebody opened the door.

"C-C-Clary?" the woman stuttered. Clary gave the woman in front of her a small smile.

"Yes, it's me" she replied. The woman pulled her into a tight embrace and Clary was worried that she might actually start sobbing.

"Oh Clary. Shouldn't you be with your mother? She's missed you so much love" Elaine Lewis told her. Clary felt like groaning. Of course, Simon's mum had no idea that she had been in contact with her mum and Luke.

"I have already seen them, do you mind if I go and see Simon?" Clary asked sweetly. The lady leant against the doorframe as though she needed stability.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Clary. It might be a huge shock to him-" Mrs Lewis started but Clary cleared her throat to stop her.

"We have been in contact. I asked Simon not to tell anyone so don't get upset with him. Can I go up now?" Clary said impatiently. Elaine Lewis looked shocked at Clary's change in tone but nodded and stepped aside to let her in. As soon as she was inside, Clary bolted upstairs and knocked on Simon's door.

"Come in" the voice inside said. Clary opened the door and stood silently at the entrance. Simon was on his computer playing a video game. He was so engrossed he didn't even look up as he spoke.

"Mum if this is about the washing I'll put it on later" Simon said. He sounded tired, mind you it was past eleven.

"No this isn't about the washing. But you really do need to start doing your own washing Simon Lewis" Clary said. Simon at the sound of her voice spun around and stared open mouthed at her. His huge brown eyes were gaping at her like she was some rare animal in a zoo. After some time, Clary began to feel uncomfortable.

"Simon?" Clary said. This made him leap up from his bed and walk slowly towards her.

"Simon you're freaking me out" Clary said nervously. This seemed to snap her best friend out of whatever trance he was in.

"It's really you. Clary. My best friend" Simon said quietly. Clary could see the tears forming in his eyes and she couldn't stand it. She hated upsetting him in anyway. Clary ran towards him and flung her arms tightly around his neck.

"I've missed you so much" Clary cried into his shoulder. She felt him laugh against her, warm and familiar.

"Yeah, video calls and messages just aren't the same" Simon responded. Clary nodded into his shoulder and smelt in the comforting smell of Simon. She closed her eyes, never wanting to leave his embrace. But after some time, Simon pulled away from her gently.

"How are you? How's Evelyn? Wait, why are you back?" Simon asked worriedly, flooding her with questions. Clary sat down on the edge of Simon's bed and Simon followed her. It was like when they had been young and naive. _Like when you thought true love existed_ , Clary thought.

"Eve is fine and I'm alright. Your girlfriend found us after we were kicked out of the apartment" Clary explained. This didn't seem to ease Simon's worry at all.

"You were kicked out? Izzy found you? Why didn't you tell me?". Clary looked at her hands which were knotted in her lap.

"I was embarrassed. You have helped me so much Simon. It's my fault really. My jobs simply couldn't make enough money to afford living there with Eve. So, I was going to stay at my mums but I forgot that she had moved into a much smaller house which two people can barely live in. I just can't take Eve somewhere like that. She deserves better" Clary replied sadly. Simon sighed and put an arm around her.

"You know I'm always here for you and Eve" he reminded her kindly. Clary looked up at him. He looked slightly different, more manly. But he reminded her enough of the old Simon. He was still so kind to her. Clary didn't know if she could ever repay him.

"I know Simon". They sat in silence for some time until Simon suddenly jerked up.

"Does _he_ know you're here?" Simon said, his tone vicious. Clary shook her head.

"Good. But you know you'll have to tell him" Simon told her. Clary sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Clary you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That bastard cheated on you, not the other way around. In fact I don't think Eve should have anything remotely to do with that insult to humanity" Simon seethed.

"He's her father Simon. He has a right to know. But yes, I don't think I want him to be with her. It will all be so confusing to Evelyn. He's probably dating some other girl anyway" Clary said miserably.

"You're wrong. As much as I wish I could say he's gotten over what happened I can't. He's like a ghost Clary. Doesn't matter anyway, serves him damn right. So, when will you see him?" Simon said. Clary shrugged her shoulders.

"I guess I'll unfortunately see him tomorrow when I take Evelyn to see my mum" Clary replied. Simon patted her reassuringly on the back.

"You'll be fine. Just think about Eve not him. Don't waste anymore time on him" Simon offered his help. Clary nodded but inside her stomach was twisting. _It's impossible. I've tried blocking him but he sneaks back into my head,_ Clary thought. Simon was staring at her and she realised he had asked her a question.

"Earth to Clary".

"Sorry I zoned out."

"I figured" Simon said whilst grinning at her. Clary stretched out on the bed and leant her head back against the pillows.

"So, how's your love life going?" Clary asked. Simon rolled his eyes at her.

"Great, Izzy and I are thinking about renting somewhere" Simon told her. A sharp pang went through her. _You're happy for them,_ Clary told herself. But deep down the news from Simon was hurting her. The fact that she could never had that life with Jace anymore. The pain turned quickly to sizzling anger. _How did he manage to ruin everything in one night?_

"That's fantastic" Clary said whilst smacking on a wide smile to her lips. Simon nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I can't wait."

"It's taken you long enough, you've been dating for five years" Clary said, eyebrows raised. Simon fell down beside her so they were looking at each other.

"Well you leaving didn't help matters. Oh, punching Jace in the face was a bad move for our relationship too looking back" Simon replied. Clary nearly choked.

"You punched Jace?"

"You bet I did, right in the face" Simon looked chuffed. Clary smiled at him.

"Good one. I'm sorry again if I ruined another aspect of your life" she spoke softly as she curled up into him.

"It's fine Clary, I know how much he hurt you. Get some sleep" Simon instructed.

"No, Eve is at the institute. What if she wakes up?" Clary asked him.

"She will be fine. If there's one thing I know about Izzy that is she loves tiny children. I guess

they remind her of Max. Do you want to risk Jace seeing you like some Georgian escape woman? You need to look calm and collected when you see him Clary. Never let him see how much pain he caused you. Don't give him the satisfaction" Simon said. Clary snuggled into her best friends shoulder like she had done when they had been small. Clary quickly fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about a place where she had no troubles with a gold boy that never had shattered her heart.

 **()**

"Is Jace in there?" Clary asked. She could hear the loud sigh from the other end of the phone.

"No, he's gone out. He was out all night looking for _you_ " Izzy told her. _He was out looking for me?,_ Clary couldn't help the fact her breath slightly hitched. _Stop it,_ she told herself fiercely.

"I'm coming in" Clary said and hung up the phone. She entered the institute and walked down the halls, glancing at the paintings along the way. One of the paintings stood out more than the others.

The one with the sunset sky with the city line painted beautifully over the top. Clary had often marvelled at the delicate brushwork and the detail of the painting. But something else made her love and hate that painting at the same time.

 **()**

 _"Jace, stop" Clary groaned. He looked at her, his eyes dark with desire._

 _"Somebody may be in" she told him. He didn't reply, instead he began kissing her neck. Clary couldn't be bothered to fight him anymore. She looped her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. She needed him closer. Like how she needed oxygen to breath. He stumbled and pushed her up against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him back. His hands were in her hair and hers were framing his face._

 _"Tell me you won't leave me Clary" Jace said between kisses. Clary responded by kissing him harder. She was about to suggest going upstairs when voices interrupted them. Shit. It was Mayrse. Clary quickly pushed Jace away which resulted in the picture of the sunset skyline from above her crashing down. Remarkably it didn't break._

 _"That was close" Jace said. He then gave her his crooked signature grin._

 _"Dinner?" Clary asked him. Jace nodded and took her hand, leading her to the kitchen._

 **()**

"Was she alright in the night?" Clary asked Izzy.

"She slept through, in fact she's still asleep now. I didn't want to wake her in case she got upset" Izzy told the red-head. Clary thanked her and ran to her daughters room. She opened the door and peered inside. Evelyn was reading a book on the edge of her small bed. She still looked sleepy so Clary realised she must have just woken up.

"Hey baby girl" Clary said softly whilst coming into the room. Evelyn looked up from her book and smiled at her mother.

"What are we doing today?" Eve asked. Clary was silent for a moment. _What to suggest? Where shall I take her?_

"Well, lets go to the supermarket to pick up some food and then go and see Granny and Grandpa" Clary suggested. Evelyn literally jumped in joy.

"Yes!" she exclaimed happily. Clary took her daughters hand and led her downstairs.

"Hey Evelyn, how are you?" Izzy asked when they came downstairs. Evelyn stared at Izzy and then hid behind her mother.

"Eve, its fine. Izzy is very nice. Say hi" Clary told her daughter.

"Hi" Eve said quietly. Izzy smiled gently at the young girl.

"Shes not usually this shy, she's probably hungry" Clary said. Clary then told Izzy the days plans.

"But what about Jace?" Izzy demanded. Clary walked towards the door.

"I'll tell him later. Ok?" Clary replied. Izzy narrowed her eyes.

"Fine". Clary thanked Izzy again and went outside.

"Ready for some food Eve?" Clary said as they started walking towards the supermarket.

"You bet" Evelyn replied.

 **()**

Jace felt like he had been walking for hours. He glanced tiredly at his watch and realised he had in fact been walking for over three hours. He sat down on the next available bench and put his head in his hands. It was no use. He simply couldn't find her. Jace kicked the ground with frustration and swore under his breath. He was used to it though. Hoping it was her then coming back to the harsh reality that she wasn't coming back. Ever. And it was all over a stupid mistake. Jace rubbed his eyes and stood up. _Coffee,_ he thought. _I need caffeine._ Jace remembered they had run out of coffee at the institute so he began making his way towards the supermarket.

 **()**

"Can I have some chocolate milk?" Evelyn asked.

"Sure". They were walking along the aisles picking out their favourite snacks.

"Mango?".

"Put it into the cart" Clary told her. They moved onto the tea and coffee section. Evelyn skipped off to look at the range of different hot chocolates they had to offer. Clary reached for the berry tea packet.

"Clary?". She dropped the tea onto the floor with a deafening _thump._ She slowly turned around and was greeted with a pair of golden eyes.

"Long time no see".

 **()**

 **So...hope you liked it!**

 **I made this chapter extra long so a review would be great :)**

 **I wonder how Clary will react. And how will Jace react when he meets Evelyn?**

 **Hope you have a great day :)**

 **Review please...make my day that tiny bit better ;)**

 **I will try and update asap.**

 **Heartshade**


	5. Chapter 5

**I've been super busy these few days with tests but I still managed to squeeze in some writing time :)**

 **I hope you like it! Remember to review ;)**

 **()**

"Long time no see". Clary simply stared at the boy in front of her. _Not boy,_ she told herself. _Jace is a man now._ And Clary was correct. Jace had grown over the years, his frame had broaden and he had grown into his looks well. Much to Clary's disapproval. Clary wanted to slap him so badly her arm was practically moving on it's own accord. But, she remembered her daughter who was looking at the biscuit section blissfully unaware of what was about to unfold. Clary didn't want to upset her, this was no way to introduce Eve to her father.

"Oh, hi Jace" Clary settled on. Simon's words echoed in her head. _Don't let him show how much he hurt you._ Well, so far Clary was doing a good job as Jace's face practically dropped.

"A hi? That's all I get" Jace replied incredulously. Clary dropped her gaze from his golden orbs to the tea selection. She pretended to be deep in thought over what tea brand to buy. But really her body felt like jelly and she was practically shaking with being so near to him. After all this time.

"What do you think you should _get_?" Clary asked him, her concentration still firmly on the types of beverage in front of her. Clary heard Jace's intake of breath.

"Well I don't know. Maybe an explanation? Or an apology?" Jace retorted back. Clary couldn't help it, she spun to face him.

"An _apology_ " she seethed.

"It was a stupid and careless mistake Clary" he said softly, stepping towards her. Clary took a step back and nearly fell over her shopping cart.

"An apology?" Clary gritted her teeth to keep her voice as quiet as possible. Jace rose an eyebrow.

"It's getting a bit creepy this whole repeating thing. I'll do it too if you want" he said.

"Just shut up".

" _Just shut up"._

"Jace I'm warning you".

" _Jace I'm warning you"._

"Why are you doing this?" Clary turned her body back to the tea section, resisting the urge to scream. She then started walking slowly down the aisle. She quickly checked Evelyn was still alive. Eve was still pondering over the biscuits. _Bless her,_ Clary instantly thought.

"Ok look that was childish. But please Clary. I've never stopped loving you and I never will. And if there is a life after this I _will_ love you then" Jace said, whilst walking in front of her so she couldn't look away. _You're still so beautiful,_ Clary thought helplessly. A part of her badly wanted to fling her arms around his neck and never let go. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him and that she would still do anything for him. But an image of Jace with that other girl at the party flashed across Clary's mind. She suddenly remembered the countless nights sobbing into pillows, the heartache, the feeling of being nothing and most of all how angry she was at this man. Clary looked at him in the face and sent him the filthiest gate she could muster. It must have worked as Jace's face fell.

"Well if there _is_ a life after this then I can assure you _we_ wouldn't be together. Let alone in love. I hate you Jace Herondale and I will _hate_ you until the day I die. And if there is a life after this then I swear to the angel I _will_ hate you then" Clary growled at him. Jace paled dramatically and Clary wanted to jump for joy at the reaction she had got from him. _That will teach you,_ Clary thought happily.

"Please Clary-" Jace began but broke off as a little girl came hurrying over to her mother.

"Mummy, mummy. Can I have the chocolate ones?" Evelyn asked. _It was all going so well,_ Clary thought miserably.

"W-What" Clary heard Jace whisper. He was staring at Evelyn like she was some sort of rare demon that he had never gotten the chance to kill.

"Mummy that man is staring at us" Evelyn whispered loudly. Clary tried not to laugh.

"It's ok baby. It's just a _friend_ of mummy's" Clary replied. She then narrowed her eyes at Jace who looked like he might actually pass out.

"Right, well Jace. It's been a pleasure catching up" Clary began to leave but Jace caught her arm.

"Please, can we just talk?" he begged her. Clary considered her options.

"I'm really busy J-".

"Please". Clary looked down at the floor, defeated.

 **()**

"You knew Simon? And you _didn't_ tell us?" Izzy asked her boyfriend. Simon bit his lip.

"I'm not going to deny that I knew Iz. Clary made me promise her that I wouldn't tell anyone" Simon told her. Izzy shook her head and walked over to the window next to Alec.

"Some promises can be broken Simon. Did you not see how upset Jace has been?" Izzy replied. Simon sighed loudly and stood up.

"It's his fault he was upset Izzy".

"We don't know that for sure" Alec grumbled. Simon raised his chin and shook his head at him.

"How can you be so naive?" Simon said. Alec's eyes flashed like a predator watching its prey.

"You may be dating my sister but that does _not_ give you the right to speak to me like that" Alec said, his voice dangerously low.

"And you may be Jace's _parabati_ but that doesn't mean you need to take his side when it's obvious what happened" Simon exclaimed. This would have escalated if Magnus hadn't had luckily waltzed into the room with a huge sparkling green balloon with the words _'Welcome home'_ on it. Everyone simply stared at him.

"What, too much glitter?" Magnus asked, his face baffled. Alec went over to his boyfriend and whispered something in his ear.

"Oh right, I'll be off" Magnus said quietly as walked out the room. Alec starts to follow him but the institute door banged shut and Jace walked in.

"Oh, hi Jace" Izzy said nervously. Jace continued walking until he got to the stairs.

"She has a daughter and no one told me?" Jace shouts. His gaze then fixes on Simon.

"Was it _you_ bloodsucker? Did you know about this?" Jace raged. Simon tilted his head at him.

"Maybe, maybe not" Simon replied angrily. Jace looked like he might knock him out. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Surprisingly, Jace with one final look at Simon walked off leaving everyone in the room staring after him.

 **()**

"How could she not tell me Izzy?". Izzy was alone with Jace in his room, something that usually Jace would never allow.

"You broke her heart Jace, you could have told u-".

"Told you? So you could be disappointed with me as well?" Jace said quietly. Izzy walked over to the golden boy and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You need to talk to her Jace" she instructed firmly. Jace gave her a small smile.

"I'm meeting her ironically in the greenhouse later" Jace told her. Izzy's face lit up like a lightbulb.

"Great! Let me help you find something to wear" Izzy said enthusiastically. She ran over to his wardrobe and quickly opened it.

"Izzy no I-".

"You listen to me Jace Herondale. You will bloody well listen to my advice or there will be consequences" Izzy warned. Jace was taken back but deep down he was happy for the help.

"Right" Izzy said whilst flinging a white shirt at him. "Try this on".

 **()**

 **Ta-da! What do you think?**

 **Sorry it's shorter than usual, as I said before I'm quite busy with tests and stuff but I didn't want to let anyone down.**

 **Be sure to review! They make me write so much faster :)**

 **The next chapter will probably be what happened at the party. From lots of people's perspective.**

 **Have a great day :)**

 **Heartshade**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the wait. I'm quite busy at the moment :(**

 **Hope you like this one :) I worked hard on it.**

 **()**

 _What the hell should I wear?_

Clary stared dismally at the small selection of acceptable outfits she still owned. Unfortunately, she had to sell most of her special ones in the past when money was especially tight. It had been difficult going down to the shop in the morning with her precious outfits in her hands. She remembered watching the people walking aimlessly passed her, completely oblivious to what she was going through. Clary still recalled one couple who were carrying their new born baby arguing on what type of cereal to buy. Clary missed her old apartment even though she had some bad memories there. But she liked being close to her parents and Simon again. _Things might star normalising again,_ Clary wondered hopefully. She then started back at the task at hand.

 _Which outfit to select? I have no bloody idea._

Clary didn't want to wear some sexy tight fitted dress as she certainly didn't want Jace getting the wrong idea. On the other hand, a tiny part of her badly wanted to show that bastard what he was missing. She just wanted to make him pay for all the sleepless nights, the debts and everything else. Clary pulled out another outfit. A mint green top and a pair of black jeans. They were pretty and suited her well. _Hmmm,_ Clary thought to herself. _Casual or over the top?_ After much debate she picked the top and trousers and quickly threw them on. Clary then went to her mirror and began taking out the braids that she had done that morning. She brushed her hair until it fell neatly on her shoulders and clipped a necklace around her neck. _Done,_ Clary thought happily. She looked at the clock on the wall opposite her. She had roughly ten minutes. Clary decided to take a wonder down the halls to reacquaint herself with the institute. _Evelyn,_ Clary suddenly thought. _She's with my mum,_ Clary reminded herself out loud. With a deep sigh and a last check in the mirror, Clary walked out of her room and into the dark corridor.

 **()**

"Ok?" Jace asked impatiently. Izzy gave a small shriek of delight.

"Perfect, she will _love_ it. I'm positive" Izzy told him. Jace shook his head in a sad manner.

"Iz, this isn't a date, it's just to talk" Jace reminded her. Izzy threw her arms up in the air and plonked herself down on Jace's bed.

"Come on Jace, you have to get her back" Izzy whined. Jace almost laughed despite the situation because of his sisters childish tone.

"I just want her to listen to me. God, I don't even deserve that" Jace replied quietly. The siblings sat in silence until Izzy gently spoke.

"Jace, what you did was stupid, insane and you were completely and utterly wrong. You deserve to be hit by a brick an-".

"Can we get to the nice bit?" Jace interrupted.

"Shut up. As I was _about_ to say, even though you were wrong you have admitted that and you are sorry. Plus, you are older now, hopefully more mature. Of course Clary might not understand and you simply can't force these things. But I believe you are a good man, a great one in fact. You deserve to be happy Jace, despite everything you stuffed up" Izzy told him. Jace gave her a weak smile.

"Thanks Iz, I should get going. I don't want to be late". Izzy patted him on the shoulder and smoothed his hair down.

"Good luck" Izzy said as he walked out the door to see Clary.

 **()**

"Lost?" a voice said from behind her. Clary spun around to face Alec. He was still glowering at her but his eyes weren't as narrowed as before. Clary cleared her throat.

"No, I'm actually going to the greenhouse" Clary replied coldly. Alec didn't seem affected in the slightest by her tone.

"And what are you going to do there Clarissa?" he asked her. _Don't call me that,_ Clary wanted to snap at him but she held her tongue.

"It's none of your business".

"If you are staying under this roof, _everything_ is my business" Alec said sternly, like he was talking to a small child. Clary set her chin.

"Fine, I'm going to talk to your brother".

"Jace?" Alec said shocked. Clary rolled her eyes at him.

"No, your secret brother. You know, the one who nobody knows about. The one that's kept in a cage in the attic" Clary said mockingly. Alec looked like he might suddenly draw out a seraph blade and stab her.

"Very amusing. Why do you want to talk to him?" Alec questioned. Clary looked at her hands as though she was bored by the conversation.

"Must dash, I'll be late otherwise" Clary said and spun on her heel leaving Alec glaring after her.

 **()**

Clary walked down the slightly familiar hallways and into the greenhouse. She sat down at the nearest bench and then admired the view. It was still beautiful in the greenhouse. Purple flowers were sprouting at her feet, a fountain with water as blue as a clear sky was to her right and tiny butterflies with bright yellow wings fluttered past her. Clary wished she had some paper and a pencil. But this place also brought back painful memories. Memories of a broken boy kissing her by the steps, his hands in her hair, his lips fitted perfectly on hers. And this thought led to another. A much nastier memory of the night everything had crashed around her.

 **()**

 _Six and a half years earlier._

 _"Right, what are you wearing tonight?" Izzy said to Clary. Clary held up a knee length blue dress which wasn't too tight fit. Izzy dramatically shook her head and plucked the dress from Clary's hands._

 _"Wear this one instead" Izzy instructed holding up a little black number. Clary rose an eyebrow at her._

 _"Really?"._

 _"Jace will love it" Izzy replied. Clary laughed and took the dress. She put it on and looked in the mirror. What Izzy said was true, Jace would love it. The black dress clung to her like a second skin and showed off her moderate curves. Clary felt powerful and strangely liked the sensation._

 _"Ok, lets go" Izzy said snapping her out of her thoughts. Clary had felt Jace's eyes on her as soon as she had come downstairs. His golden orbs had darkened sufficiently._

 _"Are you trying to kill me Fray?" he whispered in her ear. Clary had just laughed and whispered something back that had made Jace make a rather loud unlike Jace noise._

 _"Stop it you two" Alec called back. Jace took her hand and they walked off to the party._

 _()_

 _The music was impossibly loud, so loud it hurt Clary's ears._

 _"I'll get us some drinks" Jace had said and left Clary to dance slightly awkwardly with Izzy. It was a great atmosphere though. Magnus and Alec was laughing, Izzy and Simon had their arms around one another and Clary knew as soon as Jace came back they could dance._

 _Ten minutes,_

 _Twenty minutes,_

 _Thirty minutes._

 _Time went on and still no Jace. No one apart from Clary had seemed to notice or care that he had disappeared. Clary was worried he might need her help. What if he was in trouble?_

 _She pushed her way through the endless crowds and into the slightly less crowded area. She asked a man if he knew where the toilets were and he simply ignored her. Clary managed to find the bar._

 _"Hey, have you seen a man with golden coloured eyes who is tall come here? I think he ordered two gin and tonics" Clary asked the bar man. He stared at Clary for what seemed like forever._

 _"Oh yeah, I think he went that way" the man replied pointing behind him. Clary thanked him and shoved through the crowds. The music was louder and the people seemed to have had more to drink at this end of the club._

 _"Hey pretty girl, want to dance?" one man had asked her. Clary ignored him and kept moving until she came to a hallway._

 _And that's when she had found him._

 _Jace certainly didn't look like he needed her help._

 _He had his arms in a woman's hair, his shirt was off and they were kissing passionately. The woman's top was nearly off and her hands were on Jace's chest. They were against the wall, pushing each other. Jace was kissing her like he had kissed Clary._

 _He was kissing that bitch like nothing else in the world mattered._

 _It made Clary feel sick._

 _She let her body take over and somehow she was in front of him. Clary slapped him so hard his lip began to bleed instantly. The woman glared at Clary and quickly took off._

 _"How could you?" Clary snarled. Jace just blinked at her, his face blank. Clary slapped him again. And then she was running away, back through the club. She was scared she might be sick. Someone was calling her name but she didn't listen. Clary ran until she was far away and collapsed in an alleyway. She then emptied the contents of her stomach and passed out._

 **()**

Clary rubbed her eyes fiercely. _Do not cry,_ she told herself over and over again. _Do not cry._

"Hey" a familiar voice said. Clary turned round to look at Jace. She didn't reply. She just stared at him like an owl.

"Start talking" was all Clary said.

 **()**

 **Hope you enjoyed it :)**

 **As I said, I've been busy this week :(**

 **Review!**

 **Heartshade**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews :) Here is the next chapter!**

 **()**

"Start talking".

Jace swallowed, his mouth was suddenly very dry. Almost as though he had swallowed a huge chunk of sandpaper. It was physically hard to be near her without wanting to touch her, kiss her or tell her how much she meant to him. How he wanted to tell her that the years without her was more painful then anything he had ever been through in his entire life. More painful then when he died. Much more painful then his entire childhood growing up. He didn't know how to tell her and this angered Jace. He used to praise himself at how he was good at getting himself out of tricky situations. How he used to be able to tell Clary anything at any time because he felt completely comfortable with her. But the look she was giving him was poisonous. And of course his wiring meant his negative emotion and hatred at himself translated into sarcasm.

"That's lovely red, charming as usual I see" he said. He wanted to hit himself. Clary looked the same.

"Don't you _dare_ call me that" her teeth were gritted and her eyes firmly narrowed. Jace remembered a time when a cuddle or an apology would get through to her.

"If you're not going to behave like an adult" she said whilst getting up. Reflexes kicked in and he grabbed her arm. They stood like this for what felt like forever, green eyes staring into bright gold ones. Jace loved looking at Clary up close. He loved the way her lashes were slightly curled at the ends, the way her lips were darker at the sides, her eyes so curious and her hair that he used to rake his hands though. Panic flashed through Jace.

"Please Clary, just listen" Jace begged. Clary set her chin and sat down onto the bench next to him.

"Right, well you better stop trying to be a smart ass" she told him sternly. Jace had to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning. He absolutely loved it when she made that face. Somehow it made her even more adorable. Jace decided to keep these thoughts for himself.

"Fine" Jace replied. Clary pushed her hair to one side baring her neck. Jace averted his eyes feeling conscience at how his heart was hammering in his chest. She was like a drug to him. Apart from the fact Jace believed he actually needed her to live. Please understand, don't go, Jace thought.

"And I'll be asking the questions" Clary said. Jace was about to protest but Clary put her hand out to stop him.

"Why did you kiss her?" she asked him abruptly. Jace shut his mouth quickly, shocked at the sudden question.

"W-What?".

"Why did you _kiss_ her?" Clary repeated. Jace wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Or maybe a nice pack of demons could invade the institute around about now.

"I don't know" Jace said lamely. Clary looked even angrier.

"You ruined our relationship with that girl and you don't even know _why_ you kissed her?" Clary seethed. Jace looked down at the floor.

"I-I don't remember it. I think I was drunk a-".

" _Drunk_?" Clary's voice rose.

"Yes drunk. One minute I was getting your drinks and then you slapped me and it was like you woke me up" Jace tried to explain. God, he was trying to tell her that he had no clue why or how it happened. But he could tell from her face that she wasn't believing a word he was saying to her.

"Jace, you didn't wake up. You knew exactly what you were doing" Clary said. She sounded tired now.

"But I didn't I-".

"JACE HERONDALE DON'T EVEN TRY AND BLAME ANYONE BUT YOURSELF" Clary's voice rose to a shout. Jace tried to stop his voice from shaking.

"I'm not, I just want you to know that you still mean everything to me" Jace told her. Please understand. Please listen to me.

"Jace you need to move on too, you ruined us". Jace felt like she had slapped him. His sadness turned to boiling range.

"YOU LEFT" he cried at her. Disbelief stained Clary's features. She looked like she might actually explode.

"I LEFT BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOU" Clary fumed. Jace was worried he might faint. Guilt replaced all anger inside of him.

"I'm sorry Clary, please forgive me" Jace said. Clary's face softened slightly.

"Jace, my heart has only just started to mend because of what you did to me. To us. We have a daughter Jace" she reminded him. Jace's stomach flipped. Daughter. I am a father.

"What's her name, Evelyn?". Clary nodded to show he was correct.

"That's a beautiful name" Jace commented. Clary smiled.

"Yes, for a very beautiful girl". Jace looked at Clary, into those grass green eyes of hers.

"When did you find out you were pregnant?". Clary looked away from him.

"After I left" she replied shortly. Jace looked at his hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?".

"You had no right to know".

"I am her father Clary, you must have know I would have found you eventually".

"Well after six years I thought I was pretty safe".

"I never gave up, and I _never_ would have" Jace. Something in his voice made Clary look up at him.

"I thought it would be confusing for Eve. Her life already hasn't been the best. Money became short-".

"You should have told me. I would have helped you. Helped Evelyn".

"I was ashamed" Clary said back. This made Jace draw in a deep breath.

"Of what I did?".

"Partly that, also because of other things. I was a single mother who couldn't afford her daughters education. Plus, most of my connections with the shadow world ended. I still hunted demons from time to time but Evelyn was my main priority" Clary explained.

"You didn't have to be ashamed. I am the one that was ashamed".

"So ashamed you couldn't tell anyone what really happened? Alec hates me". Jace didn't reply.

"Anyway, I think you should spend some time with Evelyn. You should get to know her".

"I would like that. Thank you".

"This isn't for _you_ , it's for our daughter. She deserves to know her father" Clary replied sharply. Her tone cut through Jace like a knife. He wished he could just go back in time and never have kissed that girl. The thing that hurt the most is that he couldn't tell the woman that he loved why he broke her. Clary took his silence as the end of their conversation. Clary checked her phone and her face was laced with worry.

"I need to go and see someone" she said quickly. Jace wanted to ask her who. He wanted to tell her not to go. Not to leave him again. But he didn't. He couldn't.

"Thanks for talking to me" he said. Clary gave him a small smile and left the greenhouse leaving Jace siting alone on the bench looking up and wishing he could change everything. He just wished he could make everything right.

 **()**

Clary ran back down the hallway and cursed herself for running away. What was the point of telling your daughter to always respect yourself if she didn't? What kind of role model was she? Thoughts of failure circled Clary's mind over and over again. Anger, hurt, love, forgiveness, hate, failure, understanding and envy went through her like an electrical storm. She staggered back and stared back down at the small grey phone in her hands. It started to ring making Clary's heart pound louder. She was scared her heart might break through her skin and fall onto the floor, broken like she was. Clary picked up the phone on the third ring.

"I'm coming".

"Ok, I've been waiting ages".

"Sorry" Clary said, rubbing her eyes. She suddenly felt exhausted.

"Ok, can't wait to see you". Clary swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Same, I'm coming so bye". Clary then hung up. She sighed inwardly and ran down the hallways towards the person on the end of the phone.

 **()**

Jace didn't think he could hate himself anymore. He had broken her. The woman who he had once nearly asked to marry. And for what? A stupid meaningless kiss. Jace stared at the flowers that were in front of him for what felt like forever. Should he or should he not? Eventually Jace came to a decision. He raced out of the greenhouse towards the main hall. Must find Clary, must ask her. Jace turned the corner and what he saw made him step back in surprise. Clary was in the embrace of a man, Jace did not know who. And then the man stepped towards her and kissed her. The way he was holding her was as if they had been together forever. Jace blindly took a step back and fell over some object. Everything was blurry. Someone was saying his name repeatedly but all Jace could see in his head was Clary and that stranger kissing. The darkness came and Jace just let himself fall.

 **()**

 **I really enjoyed writing from Jace's POV. Shall I do it more often?**

 **We are quite close to 100 reviews! I promise if we get there I'll write a super long chapter. Well I probably will anyway as I'm really into this story and I have some good plot ideas so... :) Anyway, all I'm trying to say is your reviews spark my ideas and make me happier.**

 **I promise an extra extra extra long chapter if we do ever get there :)**

 **Have a nice day!**

 **Heartshade**

 **And shadowhunters isn't on until next week :(** ** _Cries internally and externally._**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the later update. I have been packing and doing loads of homework :(**

 **The reviews made me feel so happy! You guys are just amazing.**

 **Hope this chapter is up to scratch.**

 **()**

Clary pulled back from the man she was kissing as a sudden noise had startled her. Someone seemed to have tripped over something from behind her and was sprawled on the floor. On second glance, Clary realised it was indeed Jace. He looked dazed, something she didn't recognise on his features. Jace eventually got up and walked ever so slowly towards Clary. He was eyeing the man next to her with a dark glare. Anger pooled inside of her. _I am not his_ , _he has no right to look angr_ y, Clary thought angrily.

"Jace this is my partner Sebastian". Silence. Jace didn't even pretend to look happy. He looked ill, his face was deathly pale. Sebastian awkwardly cleared his throat.

"He has-".

"SEBBY" a high voice trilled and Clary looked to her right to see Evelyn standing there. Her eyes were wide and curious and her hair was messy.

"Evey Weevy, come here" Sebastian said with his arms flung open. Evelyn ran towards him and practically jumped on top of him. Then, Sebastian tossed her up in the air like they had done when Eve had been little.

"It's not Eve Weevy, it's just Eve" Evelyn said between giggles. Clary knew that Evelyn loved that nickname but she was coming to the stage when it was much cooler to not have a nickname. Clary glanced over at Jace who had his arms crossed and was looking like he might blow up.

"Come on now Eve, get yourself some milk and go to bed" Clary said. Eve pouted at her and turned to look towards Sebastian.

"Hey, don't look at me. Do as your mother says you cheeky monkey". Sebastian then ruffled her hair and skipped off without even looking at Jace.

"Ah, you just be Jace Herondale. I've heard a lot about you" Sebastian remarked and he put his arm out to shake Jace's hand. Jace just stared at Sebastian's hand like it was poisonous but then shook it slowly. Clary breathed out a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing here?" Jace asked. Clary could see he was trying to look calm but he wasn't succeeding. His jaw was tight and his eyes were a few shades darker then usual. Sebastian just laughed.

"Well, I wanted to see Clary and Evelyn. Plus, demons have been pretty low recently in

New York so I came here" Sebastian explained. Jace didn't look convinced.

"Right". Clary put a hand on Sebastian's shoulder.

"Why don't you go and unpack?" Clary suggested. Sebastian looked between Jace and Clary but said nothing. Clary knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I will be fine. It's late, you must be tired" Clary continued. For some reason Clary just wanted him out of the room. And fast. Maybe it was the dangerous look Jace kept shooting at him. Sebastian just looked normal. As far as Clary could tell he wasn't worried about Jace in the slightest.

"Ok then, I love you".

"I love you too". Jace was now looking away and Clary wanted to scream. Why does he look so sad? This could have been our life if he hadn't messed it all up.

"See you in a bit" Sebastian called and left the room.

"I have to go" Jace said. Clary looked away from him. She felt almost ashamed but also furious at the same time.

"Bye then". Jace then walked away soundlessly. Like a ghost. Clary put her head in her hands. Why had Sebastian turned up like that? That was not the way she had wanted to introduce him to Jace. A voice from behind her startled her.

"Clary, Clary, Clary. What have you done now?".

 **()**

Jace stumbled out of the room as quickly as possible. He felt like he had no oxygen getting to his brain. The way that brainless creature had look at Clary sent shivers down his spine. And Clary let him kiss her. She let that monster touch her. And to top it all off his daughter obviously thought the world of Sebastian. _This man has my life,_ Jace realised. _It's all my fault,_ Jace knew deep down there was only himself to blame but he was still angry at Sebastian. He hated the way he looked so cheerful but sly at the same time. There was something about him that just seemed wrong but Jace couldn't put his finger on what it was. It was almost as though Jace knew him. But of course that couldn't be true. Jace walked down the hallway and slipped quickly into the safety and sanctuary of his bedroom.

 **()**

"Oh, hi Izzy" Clary said to the figure that was now in front of her. Izzy sighed and sat down on one of the many sofas.

"Who was that?".

"Sebastian? He's my partner". Clary watched the way Izzy's eyes darkened when she said partner. Like she was saying an extremely bad swear word.

"I see". Clary pushed back a strand of hair that kept falling into her eyes.

"Sebastian was so good to me when the incident happened. He's very gentle and Evelyn loves him very much. I felt like I had to move on with my life after what Jace did. It was like I had been waiting for Sebastian the whole time. He knew how to make me feel better and eventually I just fell for him. Sebastian funded Eve's school and took her to most of her art classes. He's been like a father to her" Clary told Izzy. Izzy nodded once she had finished.

"I am glad you moved on Clary. I really am. But please don't rub it into Jace's face that you have this perfect looking family life. I know how awful he feels for hurting you. And I know he still loves you-".

"Well, I don't love him. I'm sorry but that is the truth. The only reason I still talk to him is because we share something. Evelyn. So please don't tell me that I have to be nice to him because I don't have to. I just have to be civil". Clary heard Izzy suck in a deep breath.

"I need to go and see Evelyn. Excuse me" Clary said after a couple of moments and left the room, wiping the salty tears from her face as she went.

 **()**

"What are you doing?" Alec asked from behind Jace. Jace didn't turn to look at him.

"Making a sandwich". Jace heard the sharp tone in his voice and he hated it.

"Because you are hungry?". Jace knew Alec was just trying to make conversation.

"No, because I want to throw it in the bin". Jace wanted to slap himself. But he couldn't stop.

"Alec, I don't want to speak to you. Just go. You can't help me. No one can. Stop poking around in business that isn't yours. Don't you have someone else to annoy?". Jace felt like he might be sick. He expected Alec to explode. But Alec remained silent. This was somehow worse.

"I can't believe I told Clary that you are a good man". With that, Jace heard Alec's receding footsteps. Jace grabbed his sandwich and slammed it down to the floor in rage. Why did he always have to ruin everything?

"I think that me and you should have a little chat". Jace spun round to face cold black eyes.

Sebastian.

 **()**

 **Hope it was good. I always love writing a bit of Sebastian. :)**

 **I'm going away for a couple of days so the next update might be a bit later...**

 **Review please! We are so close to 100 reviews!**

 **Thanks**

 **Heartshade**


	9. Chapter 9

**OMG OMG OMG. WE DID IT! WE GOT TO OVER 100 REVIEWS!**

 **Sorry for the amount of caps lock...I am just so happy :)**

 **Thank you all so much!**

 **Sorry for the rather slow update. I wanted to make this an extra long chapter (like I promised) and I also wanted to use different people in it too. It took me forever to get it right to I hope it's up to expectations. I really loved writing this one :)**

 **Oh and sorry if it wasn't clear but this isn't set after Cohf. So Sebastian wasn't killed.**

 **/ALERT/**

 **There is a mini competition at the bottom of this chapter. I wanted to make 100 reviews so I decided this might be a nice thing to do to express how grateful I am :) it would mean so much if you guys just spend a bit of time doing it.**

 **Anyways, enough chatting. Let's get on with it :)**

 **()**

"I think that me and you should have a little chat". Jace spun round to face cold black eyes.

Sebastian.

Jace was rarely scared. It didn't matter what pack of demons he was fighting or what man tried to mug him. Jace couldn't care less in fact, more recently he had taken to long fights in the streets where a few punches could make him forget what he had lost. He remembered the nights where he had come back with bruises outlining his jaw and knuckles scarlet red. Alec had always sat with him and made him talk. He always used to make Jace promise he wouldn't do anything that stupid again. And every time Jace would repeat the same promise and the next night he would do it all over again. One time, Jace overheard Alec and Izzy discussing about what Jace did at night. He recalled both siblings almost in tears because of him. And Jace couldn't believe what he was putting his own family through. So from that day on, Jace simply sat in his room throughout the endless days and starry nights. Even when it was cold and the wind was howling Jace told himself that he wasn't scared. It came as a surprise when Sebastian's voice sent a current of fear through him.

"Really? What to ask me for a modelling job? Sorry mate, no vacancies open at the minute" Jace let his tongue run away with him. It was instinct. Ever since Jace had been little he would use smart remarks to make situations better for himself.

"I can't believe Clary ever hooked up with you" Sebastian muttered. At this Jace's eyes flashed up.

"Sorry?".

"I said it's very nice to meet you". Sebastian's voice was sweet like candy. It made Jace want to scream.

"Its so nice we finally get to meet after all this time. I have heard a great deal about the great Jace Herondale" Sebastian said. Jace bit the inside of his lip. Sebastian took a step towards him and Jace had to stop himself from taking a step back.

"I haven't heard a lot about you". Jace studied Sebastian's face but the smile remained firmly on his infuriating lips.

"Really?" Sebastian laughed. "Well, there isn't much to say about me. Just another shadowhunter".

"There must be something" Jace shot back a little too quickly. Something in Sebastian's face changed. Like a pebble hitting the calm surface of a lake and sending ripples through it. But he quickly composed himself much to Jace's dislike.

"I work in New York but since Clare Bear came-".

"Clare Bear?" Jace interrupted, his voice a few octaves higher than usual. Sebastian gave a small embarrassed smile.

"Sorry, I completely forgot who I was talking to for a second there. Clare Bear is just one of the silky nicknames I have for _my_ Clary". _My Clary?_ Jace thought angrily.

"I see". Jace felt like a partial bit of air had been sucked out of him. To anyone else, Sebastian seemed rather ordinary and kind. But Jace sensed something else. Something darker. And it unnerved him greatly.

"So yes. Since Clary and Eve came here after they sadly had to leave the flat they were renting I of course came too. Wouldn't want to leave them would I?". Sebastian gave another laugh.

"No, of course you wouldn't" Jace said icily.

"Are you having something to eat?" Sebastian asked. Jace desperately wanted to grab a piece of bread and stuff it down Sebastian's stupid throat.

"I was but I'm not very hungry anymore. I better go" Jace started to walk off but Sebastian stepped gracefully into his path.

"Have a pleasant evening Jace" Sebastian said whilst grinning at Jace. And it finally clicked. Sebastian's voice wasn't sweet. It was sickly sweet. Like a too ripe apple that you accidentally bite into which makes you want to spit it out. Or burnt caramel which sticks to your mouth like glue.

"You too" Jace said and pushed past him and left the kitchen as fast as he could.

 **()**

"Are you alright?". Alec looked up and was met with piercing cat like eyes. He gave a weak smile and sat down onto one of the red sofas. Magnus gently sat down next to him.

"Yeah, I guess I am". Magnus gave a deep sigh from next to him.

"Alec, you don't have to pretend with me" Magnus said quietly. Something broke inside of him. All of the emotions that he had been compressing came tumbling out like a burst balloon.

"I just can't stand seeing Jace upset. I know it's his fault and I'm not blaming Clary at all but I feel his pain too. I know he's not sleeping or eating for that matter. It's like he's dead inside Magnus" Alec then put his head into his hands. After a couple of seconds he felt comforting hands massaging circles on his back.

"It's ok Alec, this is not your battle to fight".

"But it is. He is my brother Magnus. I'm practically an uncle and Jace is a father now. I just feel like I can't get through to him anymore". Magnus was silent for some time before speaking.

"All is not lost. I promise you my Alec, I will sort this. Now sleep, you look exhausted". Alec looked up and gave Magnus a smile of pure relief. Before long he was asleep. Magnus leant against Alec's head.

"I will sort this dear Alec, whatever it takes".

 **()**

"Bloody hell, what a mess" Izzy huffed. She felt dreadful. So dreadful that she didn't even feel like watching a romantic movie with Simon.

"It's fine babe" Simon comforted. Izzy snapped her gaze up to look at her boyfriend.

"Babe?".

"Trying it out, no good?" Simon asked. Izzy gave him a weak smile and snuggled closer to him on the bed. Simon smelt of soap and lavender, something that comforted Izzy greatly.

"No, I like it. Shall I call you sweet cheeks?". Simon ruffled her hair.

"If you call me that you will sound like my mother" Simon joked. Izzy gave a loud proper laugh and leant over towards Simon.

"Do I ever tell you how much I love you?". Simon pretended to think for a bit.

"Not enough. Never enough". Izzy closed the distance between them. After some time, Simon broke away from his girlfriend much to Izzy's dislike.

"Let's go out".

"What?".

"We should go out, have a good time" Simon repeated. Izzy rose an eyebrow.

"Seriously? I thought you hated going out".

"I do, but I know you love it. I hate seeing you upset Iz". Izzy wanted to thank the angels for granting her the best boyfriend she could ever have hoped for.

"How about we invite the others?" Izzy suggested. Simon tilted his head to the side.

"Really? You think Alec and Magnus would want to come to a straight club?".

"They would absolutely love it Simon and you know it. And Jace and Clary too". Simon practically fell off the bed.

" _Jace?_ ".

"Yes Jace".

"Your semi brother Jace?".

"Yes that Jace. Simon, do you know any other ones around here?" Izzy said. Simon shook his head.

"No way Iz. Do you want world war three to happen?".

"Simon he is my brother. If you want to be with me you have to at least be civil with him" Izzy pleaded. Simon shook his head more violently this time.

"Izzy he _cheated_ on my best friend. And got her pregnant!".

"Hey, it takes two to tango" Izzy reminded him. This seemed to make Simon even angrier.

"No way".

"Simon come on. For me?" Izzy batted her eyelids.

"No".

"Please?". Simon raked a hand through his hair.

"Fine then. But don't blame me when it all goes south". Izzy leapt up and collapsed on top of her boyfriend.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Simon I owe you big time". Simon just grinned up at her.

"I can think of one way you can start repaying me Iz".

 **()**

"How is my big girl?". Evelyn bounced up and down a few times before replying.

"I'm good. I found a secret spot where no one knows where I am" she tells Sebastian excitedly. Sebastian pretended to look extremely interested.

"Really? Where?".

"It's a _secret_ Sebby, I can't tell you" she giggled.

"What's with Sebby? How about daddy?" Sebastian suggested. Evelyn looked confused.

"Daddy?".

"Yes, always call m-" Sebastian was cut off from a voice behind him.

"Sebastian, what are you doing?". It was Clary. Sebastian turned towards her slowly.

"Just catching up with Evelyn dear". Clary didn't look impressed.

"Evelyn can you get me some water please?". Evelyn made a face at her mother.

"Now please". Evelyn grumpily walked off towards the kitchen.

"What do you think you're doing?" Clary asked angrily. She looked exhausted.

"Don't you think it's about time she calls me dad? I practically am Clary".

"I don't want her getting even more confused and you're not her biological father Seb" Clary told him. Sebastian pushed down the rising anger inside of him.

"I'm _not_ her father? I pay for her education. Her toys. Where she sleeps. What she eats. I play with her and talk to her. I give you space and take her out when you need it. So who is her _real_ father then? That low life blonde idiot?" Sebastian seethed. Clary remained silent.

"He _isn't_ a low life Sebastian" she eventually said. Sebastian just gawped at her.

"That idiot cheated on _you_ Clary. Don't forget that. Just because he might say he's sorry doesn't mean he is. I'm sure he was once a lovely man but to me he just seems like a user".

"But he is her father Sebastian. He has a right to spend time with her. Just let her have two father figures" Clary said slowly. Sebastian wanted to punch a wall in frustration. He was interrupted by a voice at the door. He turned to look to see Jace and Evelyn standing there. Evelyn dropped the glass of water that was in her hand.

"I have _another_ daddy?".

 **()**

 **Sheesh, I wouldn't want to be Clary right now. My poor baby Jace. But I do love a bit of angst... I feel so evil. But I mixed some Sizzy and Malec fluff into the mix too. But how far is Magnus willing to go for Alec?**

 **Hope you enjoyed it!**

 **/Competition/**

 **As I said before I really want to mark 100 reviews. Just follow these steps to win a shoutout and a character in 'Chasing the shadows of our past'.**

 **1 Read this chapter**

 **2 Review with one question and a name (can be a girl or boy)**

 **3 Then add maybe a couple of factors (like Marcus, 20 years old, green eyes)**

 **4 And maybe some personality so I have something to work off (control freak, fighter, flirty...)**

 **5 Lastly, what are their intentions. Are they there to help? Or to cause trouble?**

 **And that's it! You can have your own OC feature in my fanfic :) I will also answer as many questions as possible. If you really don't want to make a character feel free to just drop a review with a quick question.**

 **You can even do yourself if you want. That's fine by me.**

 **I will of course give the winner a huge shoutout and check out your stories if you would like!**

 **Thanks again. You guys are amazing ;)**

 **Heartshade**


	10. Chapter 10

**Keep those questions and OC ideas coming! You guys have some really interesting ideas!**

 **Oh and does anybody here a licensed Beta reader? If you are PM me :)**

 **Here is the next chapter :)**

 **()**

It took several minutes and a few cups of juice before Evelyn finally calmed down. She kept repeating _I_ _have another daddy_ like it was something she couldn't stop saying. Clary couldn't blame her. It still shocked her after all this time. Clary whispered to Sebastian to give her some privacy. He nodded and left and Clary instantly felt guilty. She knew how hard this must be on Sebastian and so far she hadn't been very nice to him. It just made her angry every time they had the conversation about letting Evelyn call him her father. It just seemed wrong to her even though Sebastian was practically her dad. Clary gently nudged her daughter over to the coffee table and sat down opposite to her. Jace then gracefully sat down next to Clary. It was like they were interviewing there daughter for a job.

"Right baby, I have something I need to tell you-".

"I have _another_ daddy" Evelyn interrupted. Clary tried to make her face neutral.

"Yes, you do an-".

"My daddy is not dead" Eve cut in again. Clary felt the weight of Jace's shocked gaze on her.

"That's right sweetie, your biological daddy is alive" Clary told her daughter.

"B-B-Biological?" Eve stuttered. Clary wanted to hit herself for saying such a difficult word for her small child.

"It means the person you umm" Clary looked at Jace for help. He looked away meaning he wasn't in the mood to help her. _What as asshole,_ Clary thought grumpily.

"What does it mean mummy?". Clary took a deep breath.

"Biological means the person you had the baby with originally" Jace said. Clary felt very grateful to him for helping but she decided against smiling at him. After all, Jace didn't look like he wanted to talk to her.

"So, who is my biological daddy?" Evelyn's eyes were wide with anticipation. Clary gulped. _What the hell should I say?_ Clary wondered.

"Jace is" she blurted out. This only confused her daughter more.

"Who's Jace Mummy?" Eve asked. Clary bit her lip.

"I am". Evelyn's owl like eyes looked at Jace. He was looking at her evenly. Amber eyes baring into slightly darker ones. Clary just stared at Evelyn. Waiting for her to possibly say something. Or maybe burst into tears. Or maybe st-.

"Ok" was all Evelyn said. Clary just stared at her.

" _What_?" Clary said incredulously. Evelyn fixed her gaze on her mother.

"That's ok Mummy". Even Jace's usual smirky face was shocked.

"You just found out that your father who you thought was _dead_ is actually alive?" Jace said. Clary turned to face him.

"Jace, she's only a child" Clary snapped quietly. Jace rolled his eyes at her.

"Come on Clary. You know this isn't right. You must be a bit shocked Eve?". Eve shrugged her shoulders at her parents.

"This might be her way of dealing with it" Clary said back. Jace shook his head making gold locks cover his luminous eyes. _He needs a haircut_ , Clary subconsciously thought.

"Take it from someone who has a history which shutting feelings out. It always comes out one way or another" Jace shot back. Clary sighed in defeat. She knew deep down he was right.

"Listen Eve, you can talk to us" Clary told her. Evelyn tilted to her head to the side looking so much like Jace it was almost comical.

"It's a bit strange. But it's fine Mummy". Clary wasn't convinced.

"Ok then baby. You can go now if you want" Clary said and Evelyn skipped off. Clary put her head in her hands. Even though the truth was out she still felt like something was very wrong.

 **()**

Sebastian sulked off and started walking around the institute. A part of him wanted to listen to their conversation but for some reason or another he decided against it. Instead he decided to snoop around the place. But every time his mind went back to Clary. What was she doing? Were Jace and Evelyn just going to became a happy little family? Will Eve just replace him with the golden boy? Were they ever going to go back home? Thoughts spiralled in and out of his head giving him a pounding headache. God he wished Clary had never returned here. She seemed to distant now. Like he was looking at a reflection of Clary. But what was he to do? Just keep being the nice guy? Always be second best? _No way_ , Sebastian told himself. _It's time something was done._

 **()**

"What's wrong?" Jace asked her. He hated seeing her upset even though he knew it was his fault. Everything these days was his fault. No matter what he did or tried to do was always wrong.

"Nothing" Clary muttered. The words stung him. Jace remembered a time in which they would tell each other absolutely everything. No matter what. Over the past few nights Jace had dreamt about a house where Clary and Evelyn were playing in the garden. Every time he woke up drenched in sweat, eyes glassy.

"Tell me Clary" Jace heard the begging tone in his voice and he almost flinched. It reminded him that he must apologise to Alec.

"I just told our daughter that she has a father. I have no idea what is going on inside her head. I don't even know what to do anymore" Clary said softly. Jace resisted the urge to kiss her.

"Well at least she knows her father isn't in fact dead" Jace mused. Clary looked up at him now, eyes blazing.

"It's not funny Jace".

"It is a bit".

"It's _not_ one tiny bit funny" Clary seethed. Jace shook his head at her.

"I'm the one who should be angry" he regretted the words as soon as they had stumbled out of his mouth. Her eyes went dark and her lips parted slightly.

"You think _you_ should be angry?". Clary looked like she might explode. Jace was momentarily scared for his life.

"Well yes. You lied to her and said I was _dead_. Out of all the things. _Dead_?". Clary stood up as fast as a shot.

"WHAT SHOULD I HAVE TOLD HER?".

"MAYBE THAT I WAS VERY MUCH ALIVE?".

"OH I SEE. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER THAT HER BIOLOGICAL DAD WAS ALIVE BUT CHEATED ON ME AND DID NOT SEEM TO CARE ABOUT HER". Jace felt sick.

"I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO TALK TO HER UNTIL NOW".

"Oh, you're lucky you're allowed _near_ her" Clary spat. Jace was worried he might start crying.

"What you said was true anyway" he said quietly.

"What do you mean Jace?".

"I did die everyday I wasn't with you". The words didn't have the effect he wanted on her. She simply sighed and shook her head at him.

"No, no, no. Your soppy words don't work anymore. You knew exactly what you were doing that night". And with that Clary walked off leaving Jace staring after her. His mouth open as though he was in pain.

 **()**

"What are you doing?" someone said from behind him. Sebastian whirled round to come face to face with brown eyes. Alexander Lightwood. The eldest one and to Sebastian probably the least infuriating.

"Oh hi there" Sebastian planted a smile on his mouth. Alec's eyes narrowed sufficiently.

"What are you doing?" he repeated. Sebastian ruffled his own hair.

"Clary and Jace had to talk to Evelyn. I decided to give them some privacy" Sebastian lied. Alec looked like he believed him.

"I see".

"Such a lovely building" Sebastian lied again. In reality he badly wanted to burn it down to ashes. With Jace in it hopefully.

"Thank you, we do our best". Sebastian laughed lightly.

"I can see that. Would you like me to make you a drink to say thank you for your hospitality?".

"Thanks for the offer but I have to say no. My sister wants to talk to me about something. She's rather impatient" Alec told him. Relief poured through him. He hated small talk.

"Well I better not keep you" Sebastian said. Alec gave him a smile and walked off. Sebastian couldn't have been happier for the peace and quiet.

 **()**

"I'm sorry Clary" Jace said as soon as she walked in. Clary gave him a weak smile.

"Don't worry, I think it all just got a bit much" Clary replied. Jace flashed her a crooked smile which made her heart soar. _Stop_ it, she told herself. _Stop it._ Clary heard the institute doorbell go.

"I'll get it" she heard Izzy shout. Clary shuffled her feet against the floor. The door opened to the main room and Izzy came in. Her face was pale and she was staring at Jace. Clary glanced over towards him and she saw his face fall as the person stepped into the light.

 **()**

 **And another is done! I found this one quite tricky to write.**

 **Thanks to all the awesome suggestions about the OC. I will announce the results next chapter and answer questions.**

 **~Oh and sorry for asking such an awkward question but does anybody know anyway to make periods come faster? It's just I'm going on holiday soon and I REALLY want it to come beforehand. But obviously a way in which doesn't need pills. So natural I guess :) It would be so helpful if you review/PM any help.~**

 **Tell me what your thoughts are on the chapter :)**

 **Heartshade**


	11. Chapter 11 AN

**Hey everyone,**

 **I am on holiday for two weeks and the wifi is really crap :(**

 **But I am making the most of the free time and writing loads for you guys.**

 **I will update as soon as possible!**

 **I would love to hear what your favourite artists are :) Review who you like :)**

 **Sorry again**

 **Heartshade**


	12. Chapter 12

**Look who finally returned... It feels like it's been ages :(**

 **I finally came into some wifi and I decided instead of doing other things I would post this chapter :)**

 **I'm going to answer the questions from the Q and A:**

 **Sophiecampbellbower: Magnus will definitely play a big part in something soon..**

 **Gabergirl: My favourite band is probably Coldplay or little mix :) What about you?**

 **Guesty: Favourite colour is yellow ;)**

 **Guest: Favourite animal is a zebra or dogs! Tbh I love all animals :) What about you?**

 **TMIShips4life: Seb probably won't be abusive but he certainly is no angel...**

 **Greygirl2358: Thanks for the long review :) Sebastian isn't Jonathan in this fix as it would be too confusing. And yes, you might be onto something...**

 **Glitterangel1: Read to find out...**

 **Guest of the best: I have a hamster called Squeak and a dog called Toto :)**

 **Guest: Favourite singer is a tough one. I like Melanie Martinez, Bebe Rexha and Ariana Grande is good too. But it mostly depends on the song.**

 **Crazyweirdbitingladyorcatnip: Thanks for always reviewing such long reviews :) I am female ;) Oh, thanks for the period help too!**

 **~Thanks to all the people who left questions~**

 **Enjoy this chapter (don't forget to review!)**

 **/Warning of mild swearing in this chapter/**

 **()**

Clary tore her gaze from Jace over to the woman in front of her. She has ocean blue eyes and long blonde hair which curls elegantly at the ends. Her lips are cherry red and black eyeliner frames her eyes. The woman is tall and her skin is slightly tanned making her look like some sort of angel under the lights in the room. She looks around the age of eighteen but Clary's senses quickly kicked in. _Warlock_. Clary takes half a step forward and squints at the lady, looking for her warlock mark. Clary spots it after a few seconds. One of her eyes is slightly different as in the top right hand corner the shade of blue is about three different shades darker than the rest of her eye. All in all you couldn't describe her as anything other than absolutely beautiful.

"Oh hey Jace" she says, flinging hair locks over her shoulder like someone from a television advert. She then averted her eyes to Clary and blinked a few times before speaking.

"My name is Caitie" she says as though Clary was stupid not to have asked before.

"Clary" she replied. Caitie furrowed her eyebrows and peered at Clary.

"What?".

"My _name_ is Clary" she said again. Caitie gave a high pitched laugh.

"Oh I see. Silly me. I thought you were crazy for a minute" she giggled. Even her laugh was perfect. _You are already driving me crazy,_ Clary thought. Jace shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"So, how are you Jace?". Caitie's tone is slightly tense but also seductive. It makes Clary want to vomit.

"Good" Jace says shortly. Clary knows him well enough to realise how shifty he is being. _What are you hiding,_ she wonders.

"That's great. I _really_ miss you. There's no one quite like you out there". Caitie laughs again. Only Izzy gives a small polite laugh back.

"Mm" is all Jace says. Clary bites her lip.

"How do you know each other then?" Clary asks no one in particular. Caitie puts one hand on her hip and giggles.

"Well, we basically had a summer fling. It was pretty awesome. It was _totally_ like one of those romantic movies. Isn't that right Jace?". Jace stays silent. Before Clary can continue asking questions Caitie cuts in.

"So, are you like his next girlfriend or some crazy shit like that?" Caitie suddenly asks. Clary just stares at her stunned. They had literally just met and this person was acting as though they were the best of friends. Not to mention the way she kept looking at Jace. _Who cares how she looks at him anyway,_ Clary told herself. It didn't seem to be sinking in though.

"No, we just have a child that's ours" Clary tell her simply. Clary doesn't however get the reaction she was quite looking for.

"What? OMG _seriously_? Jace Herondale has a baby? A real life child? That is _his_? You have _got_ to be joking!" Caitie says and looks over at Jace. He just raises an eyebrow at her.

"I'm not joking" Clary replies. It was as if she had just told her that there was life on mars. Caitie walks towards Jace like a cat.

"That's adorable. I want to meet her" Caitie says. Clary practically chokes.

"She's tired at the moment" Clary snaps. Caitie turns to look at Clary, her crystal eyes wide.

"Pretty please" she asks. _Manipulative cow_ , Clary thinks angrily.

"Caitie, why are you here again?" Izzy suddenly asks. Caitie sighs dramatically and shakes her head making soft curls bounce over her shoulders.

"My ex kicked me out. So, I was wondering if I could stay with you guys for a bit? You kind of have to take warlocks in too" she says sweetly. Izzy looks concerned but Clary shrugs her shoulders. Why should she care if Caitie stays or not? It's not like she's a threat or anything. Jace can go with her for all she cares.

"Ok, but only for a couple of nights. Right?" Izzy says. Caitie squeals like a pig and hugs Izzy.

"Thanks so much. I owe you guys one. This is going to be _so_ much fun!". Clary suddenly feels the urge to knock herself out with something. Preferably a brick.

"Caitie we are going out later. Want to join us?". Clary and Jace both stare at Izzy.

"Don't look at me like that you too. And no excuses. I have already called your mum Clary and she is happy to babysit Evelyn. You are _both_ coming" Izzy says strictly. Clary knows there is no point arguing with her.

"Alright then. I need to get ready then and check on Evelyn" Clary says whilst backing out of the room. Jace steps after her.

"Shall I help you with her?". Clary takes in a deep and slightly shaky breath.

"No, I'm fine thanks. Keep Caitie company or help Alec or something" she replies. Clary then gives him an 'I'm ok' smile and then walks off down the hallway feeling nothing but emptiness and exhaustion.

 **()**

Clary decides against telling Sebastian about the plans to go out. _He won't want to anyway,_ she tells herself. But deep down she knows it is cruel to simply leave him out of everything especially after everything that had been going on recently. He is her boyfriend after all. Clary knocks on his door but after a couple of minutes realises he's not in there. Sighing, she goes back down the hallway to her own bedroom. They had decided to sleep separately because the beds weren't 'big' enough for two. Clary knew this wasn't the real reason. Things were not good between them at the moment and that was part of the reason why she wanted to ask him to come with her to the bar. Clary checked her phone but she had no messages about from one from her mother saying she can't wait to see Evelyn. Smiling, Clary quickly texts back with a smiley face emoji. Clary then continues walking until she gets to Evelyn's door. It's already open and she peers in. Eve is on the floor and seems to be organising her pens into colour order. Her lips are moving slightly, probably reciting the song about the colours of the rainbow. She looks utterly adorable and she has to resist running in there and giving her a huge hug. But Clary knows Eve hates to be disturbed when she's busy. Feeling a tad bit better she goes to her room and finds a note on her bedside table.

 _Gone out for some fresh air. Izzy has already informed me about the plans for the evening. I guess I will see you then._

 _Sebastian x_

Clary reads the note twice. Once to see what it said and the second time to try and find out if Sebastian was angry at her. He left a kiss at the bottom so surely he wasn't? But his actual message was quite formal and he didn't even ask her to meet him anywhere beforehand. Clary grabs the piece of paper and scrunches it up and throws it in the trash. She hasn't got time for things like this. Clary looks over towards her bed. She has two hours until she needs to meet Izzy. She feels so tired. It's like the bed is calling her. _I won't be long. Just a few seconds of shut eye._

She falls into a deep, deep sleep.

 **()**

 _"Clary! You look incredible!"._

 _"Jace is going to love your dress!"._

 _"You are rocking that look Clary!"._

 _Clary smiles at all the compliments. It feels nice. Different. Like a warm, soft feeling throughout her body. Suddenly there is a mirror in front of her and she can see her outfit. Clary practically gasps at her reflection. She's wearing a sapphire blue dress that cuts short at the knee. The colour brings out her grass green eyes making them look bigger and slightly sparkly. Her feet are comfortably in mint green heels that give her a few extra inches and around her neck is the Herondale ring. Her eyes have dark eyeliner and a sprinkle of eyeshadow which adds to the overall look of the outfit. Clary touches her lips slowly and her fingers come back red. Blood? But on second glance she realises it's just crimson lipstick. Her hair is half up and half down and is scattered on her shoulders. She gives a little twirl of happiness and her flame red hair bounces up and down._

 _She looks perfect._

 _The scene changes and she is in a huge hall surrounded by many people. Students. Then it clicks. Clary is at school for homecoming. More people bustle around her. Laughter is erupting around her and she joins in._

 _"Wow, you look incredible!"._

 _"I love your hair Clary! I wish mine was like that!"._

 _"Hope you win tonight!"._

 _Win? Win what? Clary wants to ask but before she knows it her name is being called and she is going up a steep flight of steps. There is now a spotlight which is almost blinding her. Jace is on a seat up there, a metal crown on his head. He has clearly been crowned prom King. He's smiling almost insanely at her sending shivers through her._

 _You want this._

 _You deserve this._

 _You need this._

 _Clary sits down on the throne and someone puts the crown on her head. She is expecting it to be heavy but it's not._

 _It's plastic._

 _And then everything changes. A gust of wind sends her spiralling down into darkness. Clary can't even scream she is falling so fast. There is light at the bottom and she closes her eyes, waiting to fall into it. The roaring in her ears stops and she slowly opens her eyes. She is greeted with the same mirror from before. But it's different, the reflection is like an illusion. Her dress is stained with dark red splodges the colour of wine making it impossible to see the sapphire colour underneath. Her hair is messy and rough around her shoulders and her feet are hurting as they are wedged into the tiny shoes she is wearing. Her eyeliner and eyeshadow is smudged. T_ _rails of mascara infused tears are making tracks down her cheeks towards her lips. That's when Clary notices her lips. They are stained red like roses. Her hands trail down and they reach the Herondale ring. It's the only thing that still feels right around her neck. The plastic crown is still intact but she blinks and suddenly it's snapped on her head and something red is trickling down onto her forehead. The liquid stings but it's almost refreshing. Something is tugging at her neck. It's the ring. It's getting tighter and tighter around her neck. Clary tries desperately to tug it off but it's completely stuck. She tries to cry out but it's choking her, cutting off her oxygen. She sinks down to her knees and is now scrabbling to get it off. It eventually snaps and Clary lets out a shriek she didn't even know she was holding._

 **()**

"Clary, Clary, Clary". Someone is saying her name over and over again. She is breathing heavily and it takes her some time to get her breath back. Her eyes adjust and she sees who is crouched next to her bed.

Jace.

His hair is slightly tousled and his eyes are blown wide. He's clearly just come out of the shower as he smells of soap.

"Are you alright?". He looks very worried and for a second her heart swings up with joy. He cares about her.

"I'm ok, just a bad dream. What time is it?".

"Don't worry you still have plenty of time to get ready" he says almost reading her thoughts. "What kind of bad dream?". Clary sighs.

"About the prom when I was at school". There didn't seem any point to lie to him.

"I thought the prom was meant to be a nice occasion" he says and sends her a lopsided smile. Clary shoves his shoulder lightly.

"Ha ha. Very funny. Trust me this prom in my dream certainly wasn't fun" Clary tells him seriously. Jace nods.

"Ok". A little face peeps around the door.

"Mummy are you ok?". Her face is laced with worry for her mother. It makes Clary's heart squeeze.

"I'm ok baby. You don't need to stay here" Clary says gently. Evelyn leans against the doorframe, a trait from her father.

"Is it because Jace is looking after you?". The question is sweet but it makes Clary's stomach swirl with anticipation.

"Yes that's right" Jace answers for her. Evelyn seems satisfied with his answer and after a few goodbyes leaves the room. Clary turns to look at Jace.

"Thanks for checking on me but I need to get ready". Jace's hopeful gaze shatters before her eyes and is replaced with sadness.

"Oh ok. Hope you don't have that dream again" he says kindly. It's in the voice that she first fell in love with. Jace then gets up and hastily leaves the room leaving Clary only half an hour to get ready for the big night out.

 **()**

Evelyn made her way back to her room and began organising her things again. She had always loved doing this as it was so satisfying to see the way the colours fit together. It was the same with her books and her toys. Her mother had always said that moderate mess brings a house together but Eve disagreed. Mess in her opinion made her feel uncomfortable. It made her want to cry for absolutely no reason. So that's why her room was also very pristine unlike most of her friends rooms had been. Evelyn missed her friends greatly as it was often very lonely in the institute. She knew she was a shadowhunter as her mother had often told her incredible adventures of what she had been through. Eve knew her mother was going through a tough time but she wasn't sure why. She didn't feel like asking. Instead she concentrated on putting her pens in order of colour again. For the ninth time.

 **()**

Red dress or black dress? White top with grey jeans? Hair up or hair down? Too many decisions for Clary to have to make. She settled on the small black dress which she used to go out clubbing in when she had been a bit younger. Clary grabbed the hair brush and raked through her hair until it was through all the tangled knots. She pretended each knot was her problems and that she was getting rid of them. Painful as it was she felt relaxed at the end of it. She clipped the emerald necklace around her neck that she had been given from her mother. After applying some makeup and slipping on her most comfortable black heels she was ready. Clary looked into the mirror and wasn't too unhappy at what she saw. Her confidence had been knocked after having Eve and it was a pleasant surprise when she didn't feel utterly awful at what she was greeted with. The black dress had past memories though. Past memories of happy times with Jace but one time stood up the most to her. Clary dived into the memory and couldn't be asked to shake it off. She was just too tired to say no to what her mind wanted to remember

 **()**

 _"Come on Clary, lets go out" Jace says again. Clary laughs and bumps his shoulder in an affectionate way._

 _"Fine. But I need to get ready first". Jace gives a highly dramatic sigh._

 _"But you look beautiful the way you are" he tells her. His tone is serious, as though he hadn't even thought about it. It had just come tumbling out of his mouth. Clary blushed and tells him again that she is going to get ready. After an hour or so she comes back down wearing the little black dress and heels. Jace's eyes practically bulge out of his head._

 _"Wow" is all he stuttered out. Clary grinned at him but inside she felt like throwing up. It was decided. No going back now. She was going to tell him that she was pregnant. No matter what. She had to. He had every right to know._

 _"I thought we could go to a nearby bar and have a light dinner" Jace suggested. Clary agrees and off they went. They held hands all the way to the bar and they were laughing about something or other for most of the journey. At the bar, Jace ordered the drinks and food and then went to the toilet. All in all, he was quite a long time. It gave Clary time to settle her nerves. It was like being on a first date. There was a table of four young woman next to her talking loudly. They all had huge amounts of makeup on and hair extensions down to there lower backs. Clary decided to latch onto their conversation to take her mind off how scared she was. It turns out they were talking about Jace._

 _"He is just so fit" the blonde one exclaimed._

 _"Like totally fit" the one with curly brown hair echoed. The other woman with dyed pink hair nodded in agreement. The last one with raven silky hair looked slightly bored._

 _"I think we should give him our numbers" the pink one suggested. Raven haired girl just sighed signally she disagreed greatly with that statement._

 _"Maybe we should go flirt with him" the curly brown haired one says. Again, raven haired girl sighs._

 _"I just know we have to get his number girls" the blonde one said. Clary was about to interrupt when a new couple came into the bar and the girls attention quickly diverted. The couple was a man and a woman who seemed the same age as Clary and Jace. The woman was clearly pregnant as she diverted away from the bar to sit on one of the plush cushion seats by the window. The man smiled at her and ordered there drinks. He was attractive, Clary had to admit it. Not Jace attractive but enough to make the girls at the table practically scream._

 _"Look at those abs"._

 _"My lord I might faint"._

 _"I have to speak to him"._

 _It just left the raven haired girl to speak. She flung her shiny hair back and batted her eyelashes._

 _"Look. The person with our guy is pregnant". She then laughs loudly and rolls her eyes. Like clockwork, all the other woman around the table started giggling like hyenas. It made Clary feel sick._

 _"He could do so much better" the pink one said. The others nodded in agreement. Then the raven haired one clapped her hands lightly._

 _"I just thought of something girls" she said and then snorted into her hand. Clary leaned in closer to them._

 _"That bitch over there must have got knocked up because otherwise he would leave her for someone way better, am I right or am I right?". The other girls practically fell off there chairs laughing._

 _"Dani you could not be more right!" the blonde one told her friend. Clary had to clamp her teeth on her tongue to stop herself making a scene in front of everyone in the bar. Clary couldn't understand why those nasty little cows thought they had a right to start slagging everyone else off?_

 _"I bet she can't be happier that he has to stay now!"._

 _"That poor guy was probably going to break it off with her before she dropped that bombshell"._

 _"He probably goes to sleep every night wanting to kill her!"._

 _The conversation continued for what felt like forever and eventually Clary couldn't take it any longer. She felt ill. Properly ill. In fact, she wasn't sure that the crisps that she had eaten not that long ago weren't going to come bubbling back up. She needed to get out of there. Clary went outside the toilets and waited until he came out. After a few minutes Jace appeared._

 _"Could you not get a table?" he asks. Clary gulps. She didn't like lying to Jace but she didn't really see the other option._

 _"I feel a bit ill, could we have dinner at home?". Instead of looking disappointed Jace wrapped his arms around her._

 _"Of course, sorry for dragging you out. You should have told me Clary" he says gently. Clary smiles into his embrace and for a second forgets her nerves._

 _"Lets go home" Jace says and he pulls Clary along until they are out of the bar. Clary doesn't even look at the girls who were at the table and neither just Jace even though they were practically shouting after him to stop. It made Clary feel a tiny bit better. But she had bigger things to worry about. When should she tell Jace? An idea popped into her head. Tomorrow night Izzy was taking Jace and Clary out along with Alec and Simon. She could tell Jace then. Clary discreetly looked down at her phone to see the name of the bar they were going to._

 _ **Jack and Jill's**_

 _It was a plan. Hopefully nothing would go wrong._

 **()**

"Thanks again mum" Clary says for what felt like the tenth time. Jocelyn just smiled at Evelyn. She didn't seem to impressed that her daughter was going out but Clary decided not to even start _that_ conversation. She desperately needed a night off.

"I will make sure she is in bed at eight don't you worry" Luke says from behind her. Jocelyn nods and Luke just smiles at her. Everything was so calm. So peaceful.

"Hey Evey" a voice say from behind. Clary turns and is greeted with the sight of Jace. Her breath stops in her throat. _Go back now Jace,_ Clary wants to scream but it's too late. Jocelyn has seen him.

"Oh, hello there Jace" Jocelyn says distastefully. Like she had found some gum on her shoe. Jace stares back at her mother evenly.

"Hi Jocelyn". Evelyn waves at Jace.

"Are you going out daddy too?". _Daddy?_ Clary thought. _That happened fast._

"Yes, is that ok?". Evelyn tells him that it is.

"Well I'm going to put her to bed now" Jocelyn says and picks up Eve and barges past. Luke stands awkwardly in the doorway.

"Have a good time you two" is all he says and follows after Jocelyn. Jace looks wistfully after them. It reminds Clary of the time she had first introduced Jace to her parents.

 **()**

 _"Mum, this is Jace" Clary says and gestured towards the man at the door. Clary can see many emotions flicker behind her mothers eyes but eventually she smiles._

 _"Nice to meet you Jace". Jace gives her his winning smile._

 _"The pleasure is all mine Miss Fray". But as they make there way towards the dinner table Clary recognises the fear in her mothers eyes. Clary had always assumed her mother would think that her daughter would get with some pale and skinny librarian. Never in a million years did she think Clary would get with the sort of man that when you poked you were greeted with firm rigid muscle. Mind you, what did her mother expect? He was a shadowhunter after all. Clary just hoped Jace wouldn't do anything to upset her mum as Clary knew how protective her mother could be. God help him if he did._

 **()**

Jace and Alec were waiting for the girls and Magnus to meet them at the door. Jace hated the distance between them and he still felt terrible at what he had said to him.

"Listen Alec-".

"Don't, just don't" Alec cut him off. Jace felt like he had cut his right arm off.

"I'm sorry". Alec turned to look at him, shocked. Jace practically never apologised.

"I know you didn't meant it, you are going through a tough time". Jace just sighed.

"That doesn't give me any excuse to snap at you" Jace tells him. Alec smiles. He looks relieved. Jace knew that no matter what he needed his _parabati's_ back. Sometimes it felt like Alec was the only person in the world who still understood him.

 **()**

"So as I was saying, rose petal cream is definitely the best" Caitie says to Izzy. Clary felt sorry for Izzy having to talk to her but it wasn't like Clary has the patience or energy to go through _that._ Sebastian is funnily enough walking with Alec and Magnus ahead much to Clary's surprise.

"Thanks" Izzy says. Jace is walking silently walking next to Clary.

"Are we nearly there?" Caitie says. Izzy tells her that they are. The rest of the walk is in silence and it gives Clary time to think. _Is Evelyn ok? What would happen tonight? Why is Sebastian angry at me? Is Caitie going to be a royal pain all the time?_ Izzy's voice snaps her out of her thoughts.

"Here we are" she exclaims joyfully. Clary peers up at the name of the club.

 _ **Jack and Jill's**_

Clary almost staggers back in shock. Did Izzy _not_ remember? Clary looks over at Jace who has paled. _How should I play this,_ Clary wonders.

"Are you ok Clary?" Jace whispers as they step into the club. Clary tries to look surprised at the question.

"Why shouldn't I be?" she asks innocently. Jace narrows his eyes at her.

"You know why" is all he says and then he has gone. Clary feels ill at even being inside this place. Memories come and go but she can't quite catch any of them. Before long, Izzy has given her about three drinks and they are all inside her.

"Clary easy" Caitie says but Clary just laughs at her. _I don't care what you think of me,_ she thinks but it turns out she has said it out loud.

"Right, wasted much" Caitie sneers and bounces off, her blonde hair flying. Clary decides she doesn't give a fig what Caitie thinks of her. In fact, she doesn't care what _anyone_ thinks of her anymore.

"Clary what the hell are you doing?" someone says from behind her. She turns around slowly and is met with dark eyes.

Sebastian.

He looks slightly pissed off and his arms are folded. It makes Clary laugh.

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing Sebby Webby". She knows he hates that nickname.

"Clary, you practically haven't drunk since you've had Eve" he reminds her but she just sticks her tongue out at him.

"So what?". Sebastian sighs.

"I'm not going to sit here and watch you get wasted, goodbye" he says angrily. His tone surprises her but the alcohol makes her not care.

"Good riddance" Clary slurs back. And he has gone. She knows he is right. Clary hasn't had much alcohol since giving birth to Eve. She had never really liked the effect it had on her. It made her head spin and her knees shake. The noise was getting louder around her and Clary knew she had to get outside. She pushed away to the outside terrace which was more or less empty apart from one man looking out in the corner. She stumbled over to the edge and sighed in relief at the cold air.

"Clary?" the man says. Clary squints at him. It's Jace.

"Of course it's _you_ " Clary says. Jace tilts his head at her.

"What the hell are you playing at?". Clary ignores the question and instead walks towards him and hooks her arms around his neck.

And then she kisses him.

 **()**

"Of course it's _you_ " Clary says to him. Jace doesn't quite understand what's she is going on about.

"What the hell are you playing at?" he asks her. She's clearly drunk and her eyes are like two big round saucers. She doesn't answer him and instead she makes towards him and then in a blur she is kissing him. At first Jace wants to pull away. He tells himself he _has_ to pull away. This is taking advantage of Clary as she is not in any real frame of mind. But the liquor inside Jace tells him not to pull away. Even though it's wrong. Jace doesn't think he even has the strength anyway. The way she is kissing him is making any thoughts spiral out of him like ribbons. An explosion of colours appear before him and then her hands are pulling softly in his hair. Jace almost screams when she gently bites his lip. Jace's hands trail slowly up her jaw until they reach her hair. _Her hair._ Soft curls that loop around his finger pulling him agonisingly closer to her. He needs to be closer. He is reaching towards her like a drug that he has sworn never to try again. But he can't help it. She is making his heart hammer uncontrollably in his chest almost as if it's trying to get out. Clary is saying something to him between kisses but he doesn't hear her. When her arms reach the back of his neck Jace feels like he might faint. He has been waiting for this for so long. Every lonely night in that damn room after hours and hours in the training room thinking about the one thing he loves more than anything in the world. Every bruise was for every mistake, every stupid thing he had done to her. Jace had decided if he hurt himself maybe that would make her forgive him. Jace knew this was stupid but it didn't stop him from doing it.

"I love you" he says to her. Her eyes snap open and she reels back, detaching herself from him. His lips shape words. _Don't go,_ he wants to say. _Stay with me._ Instead she has turned around and has walked over to the edge of the terrace.

And vomits out all of the alcohol she had drank that evening.

 **()**

 **Wow, over 5,500 words! I have been writing this for ages and it took me forever until I liked it enough to upload.**

 **I hope you liked it! Please review as I try to take everyone's critiques in.**

 **Thanks to Sophiecampbellbower for the great feedback to do Eve's POV. I really liked writing from her perspective for a change! So thank you!**

 **Another thank you to Fat Seagull and everyone who reviewed all the help you gave me about my period! Luckily it has been fine :)**

 **A round of applause to the winners of the OC writing challenge, BonnieGal7 and Crazyweirdbitingladyorcatnip. I liked both of your descriptions so much I decided to merge them together to create one character.** **I hope you liked the way Caitie turned out! Review what you thought :)**

 **Review if you enjoyed this chapter and if you liked the length :)**

 **Have a fantastic day! ;)**

 **Heartshade**


	13. Anybody there?

Hey,

It feels like it's been forever. I almost quit the tab on my computer whilst writing this.

I don't really know what to say. I am very sorry, but at the same time I am only human and shit does come up. I have taken the time to re-read this story, and I cringed the entire way. My writing style has changed dramatically since I last saw you, and I personally think for the better. I do still like the storyline and the characters, even though I would do things slightly differently now.

To be honest, I am torn. Part of me desperately wants to continue with this, but the rational part of my brain knows it will end badly or I will leave again. I really hate being that writer who says they have bigger problems than everyone else and I know you are probably thinking what a bitch, but right now I am just telling the truth about what I am thinking.

I think I could make this story better and I did once upon a time have direction for it. Another question all together is anyone even still here? If it were me, I would too have given up. I have not done what I said I would and for that I am truly sorry.

The reviews I still get do make my day, and I would be lying if I said every review makes me want to write frantically again. However, I understand if the market for this work has evaporated.

On a slightly happier note, my other work (princess to be) just reached 50.000 views. I can't quite believe it, but thank you :) I do not deserve it.

I have put my heart on the line, and it would be great if you had a tiny bit of forgiveness for a lost and sad cow like me. I am still debating starting a new story, as like I said before my writing has changed and I would love to try something darker and more 'grown up'. This story is quite cliche, but I still love it as it was my guilty pleasure writing it.

Thank you all. For everything. You are all shining stars and I love you. I do see the reviews you write, I am not ignoring you I am just hurting at the moment.

But maybe, writing will be an amazing distraction. But it might also make matters even worse.

So, my question to you is what would you like? Please be truthful, don't just say what you think I want to hear! Maybe you want me gone forever, I would not blame you.

XxSky (aka Heartshade)


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